Okay... I've got a strange dilemma here, I think I know what to do, but I want to hear other people's thoughts on what they'd do...
Yesterday I got a card in the mail. It came to my address because my very close friend used my address as her own. She sent this card to a former "boyfriend. "Apparently she mailed it to him at an incorrect PO box (maybe she doesn't even know the correct address, but put mine as the return address JUST so she could ask me to do this favor for her!!!.... grrrrr....).
Anyhow, this man had been separated from his wife and was going through a divorce when my friend (also going through divorce, and taking NONE of my DBing advice I might add) was "dating" him. This relationship lasted only about a month.
My friend moved out of the area and in the meantime this guy apparently stopped his divorce and went back with his wife to try and work on his marriage.
According to my friend this is a birthday card she wanted him to get because it's his birthday this month. When I called her about it, she asked me if I could drop it off at his work. Well.... my thoughts about this is I don't think it's appropriate for her to have any contact with him since they were physically involved and he's now back with his wife. I know if I tell her this she'll say they are only "friends" and she is currently involved with someone else so there's nothing more than friendship implied. Another thing, I don't like her using my address. I don't want this guy to have my address. He used to ask a lot of questions about me (this all occurred back when I was in divorce as well) and I really want nothing to do with him. I think he's creepy.
So.... I think I should just put the card in my shredder and forget about it. And if she asks about it at a later date, just say I forgot and lost it. The right thing would probably be to send it back to her, but I don't want to argue with her. She can be very difficult to deal with.. very pushy.
What would you do?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Tell her how you feel about the situation she has put you in. Don't make any comments about their R or what happened. Tell her you feel uncomfortable about the whole situation and if she wants to give him the card, she will have to come pick it up and drop it off to him herself.
Shred it and if she asks, tell her you lost it. I know, fibbing, but what if we were W of the creepy guy??? A lot of know what those "friends" are like and I personally don't like them!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Yeah, you gotta have boundaries, even with friends. I think this friend has crossed a "personal space / taking for granted" boundary. Be assertive, but gentle, and just say, "I value our friendship, but I will not be your post office any longer, and certainly not for ex-boyfriends. If you value our friendship, then you will understand that you ask too much, and let this go." Or, words to that effect.
Your friend has a bit of a cheek if you ask me. I guess you have to decide whether you care losing the friendship or not. You also have to stay true to your ethics, and beliefs, and not buy into doing things just because a friend asked. If you don't want a 'confrontation', then toss the card, and act vague if she asks if you passed it on.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
This guy's wife seems like the ultimate DBer. I don't know her personally, but from what I've heard she has stuck with her husband in spite of him having a three-year affair, made all the "changes" he wanted her to make, and has put up with his yo-yoing even though the kids are grown and she's sucessful and competent enough to dump him.... but she really loves her husband and they have a long history together.
I think it's disrespectful of my friend to send this card.
What I probably should have done, was the moment I got the card, I should have blacked out my address, put hers on it, and sent it to her. But, unfortunately, I called her and asked her about it. What she explained is that the reason she didn't put her address on it was because she didn't want it coming back to her. She didn't want her current boyfriend to see it (oh yeah, just let my husband see it... oh, and if his wife happened to find it she might think I was having an affair with her husband and confront me! Great....).
The reason she doesn't want her current boyfriend to see it is because he thinks she has been "pure" during her divorce, and hasn't physically been with anyone besides her husband. (Little does this guy know she's been with EVERY guy she has met!!!!!). Apparently, the current boyfriend overheard a phone call between her and this former boyfriend, and my friend has convinced him they were just friends, nothing happened. I don't like that she's lying to this guy, but she's afraid he will leave her if he learns the truth.
Anyhow, at the time I spoke with her, I hadn't thought all this out and told her I'd drop off the card. But now, like I mentioned, I'm thinking I should shred it.... or maybe send it back to her, but she'd kill me because she specifically said she didn't want it coming back to her house. I'm definitely not going to deliver it. Then she'd think she could always use me to do this.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Let's see she will cheat with a man who is still married...separated or not...they were/are still married
She lies to current b/f...
Tries to pass her shameful self off as the pure snow Queen...
She wants to involve you in keeping contact with a married man....
She expects you to not only let her use your address for her illicit cards but also wants you to be the delivery person if they don't get received???...maybe his wife returned it!
I don't know about you but I would choose my friends that share the same moral values that I do...with friends like her who needs enemies???
