I was listening to Dr. Laura today and a woman called. She loves her H, had several children and has completely lost any desire for sex. I was surprised at Dr. Laura's response but she advised her to buy a vibrator and get going.
I think Dr. Laura's REAL message here is 'Just Do It'.
I've heard these calls before and she subscribes to the 'Do it or lose it (meaning your marriage)
HAVING sex creates a flow of hormones and endorphins. Do it enough times and, gee whiz you'll look forward to it (unless it hurts due to physical issues).
You W is sitting in this fantasy world where she can just say "I don't wanna....' and there is no leeway. SHE is creating this problem in her belief systems.
I'm not saying she strip and spread 'em, but if she HAS feelings for you then she would certainly not be DISGUSTED with the idea of sex with you.
If she is, then she should get the hell out. If she's 'waiting' for it to be 'just right' well, it isn't GOING to be 'just right' if she's got this image of it NOT being 'just right'.
After the affair, and after the other stuff my W and I were stuck too. Our counselor said to just set up a nice relaxing situation and 'just do it'. It'll feel weird, and it'll be awkward. But it WILL BUILD INTIMACY. And she was right. It was mainly mechanical but it felt good, and we did it again. But then it 'broke the ice' because we got past the 'what if it doesn't feel right?' barrier.
She needs to step up to the plate here too. She needs to realize it is HER unrealistic beliefs that are keeping HER stuck in fear.
