Lin, There are so many similarities here it feels kind of eerie... I'm the stable one too. H decided that I knew how a marriage worked because I came from a stable home and I was honest and he was in love. He never said anything he disagreed with because he did not want to 'rock the boat'. After he left I discovered everything for myself. It was really powerfull like my life flashing before me with all the things i did wrong.
I acted like his protector too and he felt smothered by me. You know, it did not do me any good either. I became angry because I felt I always had to be the stronger one...Boy was I wrong!
After he left I stopped giving him advice completely. Let him figure out everything for himself.but he knew he could always call me anytime All the time I had this feeling this wasn't real. I told myself that however nasty he became i would not stop loving him or abandon him like his parents. I never told him this because he felt smothered by me and I still want him to see me as his wife. Like you my H told me in the beginning he thought i did not love him.
I'm not sure but I feel I gave him a lot of mixed signals lately. Like me seeing other men which might be totally wrong considering his background. I feel bad about it because I felt like I let him down. (can you imagine..!!!) Anyway I'm there for him I listen more than I talk which is a new thing. Before i just kept on giving him advice on how to handle stuff.
The past week when he told me he felt really depressed I asked if he considered counseling. He said he might. He also saw a regression therapist but this made him very confused.
Lin, I really like talking to you! Do you mind if I ask you for advice now and then? I just want to be sure I do the right thing in helping him along. i tried to explain to his family that he is in a MLC but they come from all these divorce situations so they just look at me like I'm a fool...(but they are really sweet!!!)So I'm on my own like you. Noone tells him what he is doing is wrong but i feel he must know that deep inside. He even mentioned it a week and a half ago. "Sometimes I look at myself and I wonder what I am doing."
