In reading my post it seems I did not address the issue you brought up. I want to be clear that I think my wife does not think I view her as something/someone to be used. I truly thing she does not even get that far. Sex for her is more about satisfying herself that she is being a "good wife" and that it is her insecurities that drive the need or that she is just meeting her own needs. I never really enter into the picture except as a means to the ends.
If I struggle with performance, it is my issue. It is all in MY head. I need to address the problem. I am the one who is expected to cope with months and months on end, barely being acknowledged and then , when SHE is feeling insecure or needy, I am expected to perform. This has really made me very fragile in my self image as a husband and lover.
If we were having sex regularly (more than once a month) I would feel like she enjoyed it and really WANTED to be with ME. As it is, I am just a living tool to provide for a need every once and a while.
