Ok...so she IS behaving as her role model mother taught her to behave. I'd be willing to bet her mother was affectionate with her father when they were dating too....why? Because that's whatchya do when you're dating. That all takes part in the infatuation phase of things.
Glad to hear there doesn't seem to be any abuse in her history, that just complicates things. It's tough enough to try to explain to someone though that affection is a necessary part of a marriage....when they've never seen that growing up in their own homes, so really...she's only doing as she was taught. She has a preconceived notion that the way her parents behaved....IS how a marriage is supposed to be.
I've battled the SAME thing in my own marriage. My parents were openly affectionate with each other, my H's were not. Sex was something I knew I could speak to my parents about...it wasn't shunned, it was talked about as a good/loving thing within a marriage....for my H it was never spoken about, it was a taboo topic, pretty much viewed as something dirty. Chances are this has been reinforced for her her entire life, just as it was for my H. My H (prior to me) chose women who fit right into that mold too....which worked perfectly with his issues. The relationships didn't work, but that vicious cycle worked.
I'm willing to bet that she thinks this is all about SEX with you. It's not, it's about intimacy. It's not just that you want to use her body (which I bet is what she thinks), you want everything that comes with that sexual connection...closeness, intimacy, that special bond. Those are things unfamiliar to her when you talk about SEX.
I'd like to ask you a question. Have you ever turned HER down for sex? I mean, when you initiate....and she's giving a below part effort....do you ever stop and say, "I'm not doing this."??
