Hi nic, Thanks for posting. I have a busy day today...the best two items on my to-do list are probably taking a walk, and getting S14 registered for his new school. Lots of driving involved.
Journaling:
Well...at the risk of sounding incredibly stubborn (!) I refused to totally believe that my H is the unfeeling, nonhuman he sounded like yesterday. So I prayed in my own fashion, and then I talked to him a minute this morning:
Me: I had one of those gut clenching reactions to something you said yesterday and wondered if I misunderstood you...what did you mean by saying you couldn't pretend to understand how I was feeling?
H: I didn't mean that but I was trying not to assume that I did understand...I didn't want to sound presumptuous...it was meant to be a good thing
Me: I was just shocked...I thought you meant that you couldn't pretend to know why I felt heartbroken (tearing up).
H: No...it was meant to be a good thing...I think I know exactly how you feel but I didn't want you to respond something like oh sure, how could you know that...
Me: (Patting him on the arm, interrupting...)its okay I understand it is just after 20 years of mutual miscommunication I wanted to push on through a little bit more painful conversation to be sure I understand what you were really trying to communicate...drive carefully...
My conclusion (other views are welcome here). He is actually tring to communicate honestly with me and is just plain not so good at it. Neither am I, as revealed by this exchange.
Why is it so important to me to understand exchanges like this? I am teetering back and forth between (a) wanting to take "active" steps to signal that i am keeping the door open, and (b) withdrawing so far back that he might assume the door is closed. I want to act with as much good information and insight as I can. I don't want to assume anything.
I have to do a lot of exra packing this morning if I don't want to drive back and forth to the beach 3 times in 24 hours. Too bad, what I really want to do is sit on the floor and cry. Oh well, I think walking is a better idea, so I'm going to briefly look at the paper and then take a walk.
Thanks to those of you with endless patience who read my posts!
