18 mos and counting...

[MonicaP]

Ok, so its been 18 mos now and next week I'm going for some free legal advice and possibly will be filing same day. I don't want to raise my expectations too high since I'm not really certain how much the Self Service attorneys at Family Court will do to help me, I'm going in to get information.

It feels really strange to have finally "landed" at this place...heading for the Big D. It's still so surreal that H and I aren't together anymore.

I just hope and pray it gets easier to be around H and "negotiate" with him about S4.5. He is such a jerk! I wonder, what does he have to be such a jerk about - he's got it made. He only has to be responsible for S on Sun and Wed eve, other than that he can do what he pleases. Tonight I told him I might be home a little later (1 hr) and would he be willing to stay....his first response was no because I didn't ask him in advance. What nerve! I asked him again if he'd do it and he agreed. Seriously, doesn't he get that I am with S every day and he never has to ask me to stay late because I'm always here! Anyway, when I got home and he was leaving he started to tell me about something about our S and then I just said, ok, bye. I didn't thank him for staying late because it feels like I'm thanking him for doing a favor rather than just taking care of S.

Everytime he's here he tries to make some conversation, usually about his work or something, and I just nod mm-hmm and rarely try to keep it going. I just feel like he's trying to pretend we are friends so that he can feel ok with everything he's done and not feel guilty. Well, he should feel guilty!

S4.5 has asked twice this week why we can't all live together anymore. It breaks my heart. How can H justify causing that kind of pain and confusion for a little boy?

Will H ever come out of the fog he is in? Is it at all possible that someone as far gone as he is with Ow and Goth lifestyle might come out of it and see things clearly. He just seems to be like a teenager.

And what about the Ow? What could she possibly be thinking? Why would she come between a family? I know H has probably told her some bs like it's been over for a long time.

Well, I'm getting sleepy...