Light at the End?

[~Sol]

I was just thinking about that today. I just can't go and have an affair knowing I am already with someone, my W. I see it also as a character flaw, a weakness, but I see that I take half of the blame for pushing her away. We both pushed each other away, I just chose not to have an affair. I talk to both male and female, but I am careful on how far I go when talking to a female. There is a line I do not cross.

For her, its an addiction, and she's slowly coming off of it. I see lots of positives that I am taking for granted. I don't want to make the mistake of ignoring those positives and thus throwing my M away because I was "too stubborn" to see that she was making a huge attempt to come back to me.

I see that she is concerned for me, asks how I am doing, and she senses I am deeply troubled. I can't hide it from her, I'm not a good liar. I want to trust her again and beleive she's for real without letting my guard down and getting hurt more.

I am still struggling with detaching. It comes and goes.