Square one

[25yearsmlc]

LL,

of course you feel sad and emotional...gee, why would that be? Heck, I think you'd be nuts not to feel sad and needy. You ARE needy, you are having another baby!! Do you have any help? Are you in an urban area?

I saw a TS Elliot quote and thought of a few MLCers, including your H. (Before I put the quote out, have you seen a L yet? The kids need to be protected and soon it will be more tiring for you with the late nights...and the 4 kids in the day...God, I hope you have help. What about HIS family? They must be mortified...I'd be ashamed. One of my brothers, (the one I'm closest to) wanted a d from his wife and then she/they got pregnant. He says she lied about birth control and though I believe him, so what? Still his kid. They got back together for a couple years and then split up. Point was, he did not want to miss her birth/first days and wanted to not be a jerk. And he would have been a jerk to stay away then.

Here's the quote from over 50 years ago:

"Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm - but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves." TS Elliot

Be as strong as you can be, for you are more than you know. Your sons are watching you. They are afraid and need to know that no matter what, YOU will be there for them always. It is terrifying for them...especially welcoming a new baby who will take so much energy of yours, and not having the daddy/protector around.

Also, can you ask for help? That is not weak. If you can avoid asking your h, well, ---DB opinions?

On one hand, the no contact rule says leave him out of this until he resurfaces...but then, f--- that, it's HIS kid too. I guess in the final analysis, you have to do what you need to do, for you and the kids. Take care, hang in there, breathe...

how is the red blood cell count going? Up, I hope. Does your doctor or the staff know what the heck is going on? ...love to see their faces when he enters the room.
sorry, didn't mean it...or did I?
j-