You husband really doesn't truly know what he is doing to you and the relationship.
Yes, she asked me to read things and do things. I did make promises and did try to make things better. Often they would get better and then return back. I was wrong. I should have listened and UNDERSTOOD what she was saying.
You really can't change your husband. Just like I can't change my wife and make her come back to me. It just won't happen. No one can make him change. He has to change himself. If and when you talk with him about sex, don't wait until it's just before bed time. Try to find a time when everything is relaxed and you're both having a good time.
I really don't know what to tell you to tell your H, because my wife tried everything -- I just didn't get it. But I do know that pushing and making him feel that he's failing will only push him further away.
Personally, I like to have the "chase". I like the challenge. I want it to be my idea, but if I feel that I'm being pushed or I better do this or else -- it'll never happen.
More than likely there are other problems in your R. Mine were finance and general communications. A good counselor can help you figure those out too.
I understand that you want to leave. I really do and I don't blame my wife for leaving. But be careful, threats and leaving may not work in your favor. It may be a wake up call for your H, but it might backfire too. Just make sure you can live with it either way. Be prepared. Divorce is a terrible thing. Just the tought that I might happen scares me to death.
Thanks for your prayers and I will be praying for you, your H, and family. I hope that my marriage will make it, but I can't make my wife return. She tells me that she loves me, that I have been a good husband and friend, but that she can't continue life as we have. I do love her and have no plans on giving up hope. However, I cannot push her or it'll just push her further.
I have written her a letter and have told her about the changes I've made in my life. Her question is, "Why now? Why didn't you do this years ago?" I don't know why I didn't wake up sooner and I'm very sorry that I've caused her this pain and hurt all of this time. If I could change it, I would.
I would really like to go home, take her upstair, and jump her bones. I'd make love to her like I've never done before. In a strange way, her doing this makes her very sexy. However, I think I would be rejected if not arrested.
You need to keep strong and confident. Please don't take all blame yourself for the sexual issues. You very well may have blame for other issues; like how you have communicated with him about the sex issues. But most of the sex issue is his problem. He may or may not have a physical issue like low testostrone. It's a problem that's hard for a man to accept. It's also hard for a man to accept that he has a "low desire". It was for me. Men aren't suppose to have this problem. Also, he may just be too "pig headed". It's become a battle -- you push, he pulls away. It could be all of the above.
If your husband is like me, asking "hey you, don't you think it's been long enough!" will only turn him off and getting mad will only make it worse.
Again, if your husband is like me, he does love you and finds you attractive. He just doesn't know how to break this "cycle".
Get the SSM book and read it!!!!! Do it now!!!! Not all of it will apply, but it will help you understand him better. If you can get him to read it, it will help him understand you.
There another book that might help you too -- The 5 Languages of Love.
Also, be careful of the advice you get here. I may be completely off base from where you're at. You have to learn as much as you can and make up your own mind. However, I've found that the posts on here to generally be very helpful. It's also a great place to vent!!
