Wow! You sound just like my wife. You've been blaming yourself, begging, pleading, and he just won't wake up!

When you have sex he enjoys it, but he just won't initiate it.

There were issues in his childhood. Sex is "bad."

Are you my wife? No, I don't remember seeing kids in the house. I think I would have remembered that.

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No joke, this is my same story. I guess I never really believed my wife. We were best friends. Husband and wife. I never thought it was that bad. There were always other things that seemed more important at the time. My mind was else where with business, finances, etc. I thought I could (and needed) to fix everthing else, then I'd work on the sex part.

I never really knew and understood what my wife was feeling. I love her and she'll stay with me.

Well, a week before our 13th anniversary she said that she wanted a divorce and started staying with a friend. Later she moved back into our house and I've been living at my parents while they are out of town. On Saturday, she's moving out of the house and into her own place and says that it's "permanent."

She hasn't filed. Every now and then she almost seems to be thinking about giving it another try.

I've been thru hell and it's only been 4 weeks since she first left.

We had been in counseling since last October, but we had been working on other issues and not the sex issue. We should have addressed this first, it would have made the other issues easier.

When you first go to your counselor, make it crystal clear as to what the issues are. Make sure your counselor stays on task and addresses these issues. You may have to go to the C by yourself and explain this. Be firm. If they don't address the problem find another C.

You both may need to go the C individually, but don't let anyone be labeled as "the problem". There's enough problems in the marriage for both of you. Don't label him.

Have you read Michelle's SSM book? If not read it ASAP!!!! If possible have him read it too. My wife could never get me to read anything about this. Also read her DR book, but don't have him read it.

For me the key thing that woke me up was when she actually left. I don't know if there was any way I could have woken up, before she left.

Since she left, I've read books. I've gone to the doctor. Had my testostrone tested. It was in the "normal" range, but it was still low in the range. My doc gave me a prescription for AndroGel. I just rub it on my arm/chest daily. (I do feel better, but I no longer have anyone to have sex with.) I'm also on AD's too and have been since last October. They helped a lot with depression.

I've begged, pleaded, written letters, etc, etc, etc.....

She just says that "it's too little, too late." She doesn't believe me any more.

Some how you've got to wake his a$$ up!

He's got to realize that sex isn't bad. That he's got to open up and be able to talk about it. Especially to his doctor. If he's depressed, address that issue.

I have been so mad at myself that I didn't truely wake up until she said it was done.

I don't know your husband, but he's probably very much like me. I know that I have always loved my wife and that I always will. And I would never do anything to hurt my wife the way I have. I just couldn't see it. I was soo blind.

My wife tried to push me to read and open up, etc. But I felt pressured and it pushed me away. It made it harder and harder to have sex.

Please don't blame yourself for everything. Don't believe that you aren't loved by him and that you're not sexy/pretty. You are. You've got to stay strong and help him VERY CAREFULLY along. Keep your confidence strong. It's not going to be easy.

If I could find your husband I'd tell him my story about just how painful and lost I've felt these past 4 weeks. I'd try to beat it into him. DON'T END UP LIKE ME. WAKE UP!!! Before it's too late.

Please stay stong, read those books (SSM then DR), find a C who will address the issue, you both go to the C. Work at it. Keep working at it. This can be fixed!!