Oh...know doubt I know how far WE have come...from him leaving me out of the blue...having an affair...spiraling out of control financially and emotionally...to finally coming home...he really gave me know hope for 16 months...it was hard...I had never supported the family on my own...I had never even lived on my own...it was very hard but the girls and I pulled together and made it work...I didn't just lay down and cry...I moved on...lol, I did file for D twice though...once it got within 5 days of being final and I asked H if he wanted to call it off...that maybe it wasn't time to sever the ties yet...he agreed but then disappeared for six months...in that time I really gave up...and became aquainted with a nice older man who lived across the country from me...I just felt that now maybe was the time to cut the ties and filed again...it was about 3 months later (even after H said he could NEVER EVER live with me again) that he moved back to our area...and eventually we started seeing each other again socially...when it happened it happened fast...
Yep, H's family put the "D" in DISFUNCTIONAL...His father and grandfather raped his sister in front of him (he was about 8? she was 7?)...they also saw him molest their stepsisters (stepmom caught him which is why he fled the state, taking H and sister with him)...various cousins and uncles also shared in and abused his sister...and initially when his mom took them from his dad she had left them with her family...that is where H really suffered the greatest sexual abuses...he and his siblings...when his dad came to get them they thought they had been rescued...they were forced away from their older half-brother...and then soon found out that their father was about as evil as where they had been...no rescue!...
I found his half-brother a little over 23 years ago...reunited him with H and his sister...then about 13 years ago I found their mother and reunited them all with her...she really is a good woman although she will never know the damage her children really suffered...she did the best she could and was used and abused herself...she was tricked into loosing her children...she did remarry but never had anymore children...only her H knew she had children...she could only pray that they were safe...little did she really know....of course she knows some of what happened to them...but the feelings of these siblings as children she will never understand...I don't think she could handle it...
Anyways...it has been a long road...one I never imagined going down...because like your H my H despised his dad...my H was a wonderful father and H for so many years...when he cracked he really fell apart....but he never did abuse his kids...he just left in the middle of the night and never really faced them...it was over 2 years before our middle daughter would speak to him...even after he was back in the house!
Well...hang in there...Al-Anon is associated with Alcoholics Anonymous....it is for the families of Alcoholics...I am sure they have chapters world wide...you might need to do some searching...
