I was thinking about AmyC's post to me, basically telling me to [censored] off. I tried to take the what I could from it and not let it get to me. Yet, after todays excitement it does get to me.
Yes, I worked/work a lot. I missed a lot. I was also there for a lot. I went to field trips, concerts, games and practices. I took kids to ERs, I walked my daughter for hours in the cold night, hoping and praying her lungs would open up due to the cold air, then run back in and stand in the steam generated by the hot shower running.
I didn't tell you to [censored] off. I just wanted you to look at the picture differently. Now you have and you see both good AND bad. If you didn't see that, she'd walk all over you. You needed to acknowledge the bad (if only to yourself for now) and let the good lift you up. Who you are is not wrapped up in her. Who you will be is not wrapped up in who she is now or who she becomes.
Knowing it wasn't all you will allow you to rise from this no matter what she does. And this is where you start.
Sorry AmyC. Everything today feels like a big f-off. I keep coming apart here and when asked, "is everything okay" or "what's the matter with you", I can only blame it on allergies for so long.
My daughter called, I can hear W in the background practicing her vocal parts for tonight. It's like nothing happened today. Here, let me rip your guts out real quick, and then I have to get back to practicing since I have to lead worship tonight?!?!?
How does all that fit together? I'm seriously lost here. I feel like I've been sucker punched and am still loopy.
