My exwife had an affair, ran away, we divorced and she is putting herself on a path to financial hardship.
She traded a comfortable spot as my life partner in for a treadmil in which she cannot work enough to keep up with her decisions -- this only months after receiving the first(and largest settlement check).
To use a bad metaphor, I see her as somebody who just leapt off a large bridge we have in town -- there is definately a floating sensation and rush at the beginning, but the ending is not pretty.
I expect her to hit bottom -- but what really is bottom? How far can the MLC fall?
I'm curious if anybody has examples of a WAW/WH hitting bottom?
Let's see if I can help you by telling you what I think my H's rock bottom was....
He was drinking to forget...but had to sober up sometime
He was spending like there was no tomorrow....but tomorrow came
He had two cars repo'd...one new sports car, one used mini-van
He had to leave all his belongings in an apartment with a roommate that he couldn't afford to pay....
His health went down hil quickly...was hospitalized and had to be thankful that regardless of what a jerk he was being I put him on my health insurance so he got excellent care
Can't answer the phone for the bill collectors calling...he owes $120,000 that I can total based on his credit report...can you spell B-A-N-K-R-U-P-T-C-Y???
So bottom line is when he really hit the bottom he had to admit he was not mentally well and that he really did mess things up..he even admitted that he didn't deserve my forgiveness.....
Everyone's bottom is a bit different...but it is usually when they lose everything that thought was important (new sports car and OW)...and are forced to admit that they were the problem not just the victim...basically it is when they finally get humbled the hard way....
So for your wife...her bottom may come when all the money is gone and she really is faced with the consequences of all of her actions!!!
imLIN, you hit the nail on the head with one sentance! "They all hit rock bottom when they admit THEY WERE THE PROBLEM" Question is, do they all get there!
Well, TJ admitted a year ago, "this is all my fault, this is all my fault" when we were 3 mo into this, and now it has been 15 months.
I believe that bottom is a loss. He has to experience a loss, and the definition of a loss largely depends on what TJ values. H.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
my H is still hanging on the side of a cliff......spending for OW....reeling about debt.....but he used all the money we could paid on it with for OW....calls it "our" problem....why wnot i help with our debt....but sometimes when i tell him i am truely sorry for the mess he has gotten himself into...i get no rebuttal.....steadfstly hanging on to OW....no bottom yet...tho this winter i thought he mite do it.....he got a new job and that seems to have revitalized his resolve ...i kinda agree with both.....a Loss and and admittal....in thi case its gonna take both...
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Im my case, my W hasn't hit bottom yet, but I see her fast on her way financially. In terms of values, she always values financial security and having some money in the bank. She about to not have either.
Personally I think it has to do with Loss and Admitting (only to thenselves) I don't think my wife will ever admit to me that she has made a mistake. However, I see a third factor. I think the factor that is pulling them away has to be gone. For many people here it is the OP. In my case it is a bad friend who is pulling my W away.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
When my H and I were married 20 years ago, H developed a drinking problem and I filed for D. He hit bottom within a couple of months, came home crying one night, begging for forgiveness. On the way to our house that night, he threw the whiskey bottle out of the window of the truck. He said he would never drink again, and kept his word for 18 years.
H took up drinking again 2 years ago when he started his affair with a 23 year old girl. H has been hitting bottom for several months now (since January). On at least one occasion, I thought he was suicidal.
I can't explain the difference between the two scenarios, except he is now in MLC and has a OW that won't let go. He is the most miserable person on the face of the earth. He has lost everything. Yet he still keeps hanging on to a lifestyle that has destroyed him.
He has lost everything. Yet he still keeps hanging on to a lifestyle that has destroyed him.
Valeria,
This is what I fear in my W. I would hate to see her like that. She is already spiralling downward, but I fear that her bad friend has her som brainwashed that she won't wake up until she lands on her face.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
In my case, the OW was a good-time party girl and pushed my H to start drinking again. She didn't know she was opening Pandora's Box.
Once H resumed drinking, his life was a series of DUIs, arrests, fights (he even hit the OW and was charged w/Domestic Abuse), lost his job, and all his money.
The OW has complained to my MIL on several occasions that she wished H would give up drinking!!
Believe me, these relationships between MLC spouses and the OPs spiral down quickly. In my case, my H sees the damage he has done but he's too stubborn to admit that he screwed up his life so badly.
im still waiting for it to spiral down....OW should leave when hes flat broke and bankrupt all she wanted was a mealticket.....will he let go...and admitt he made a huge mistake.....i really have mu doubts
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
