lonely and tired of caring

[RedHeadWife]

I was very much there too -- resenting what I thought I should be or what I thought was expected of me. Luckily, I have found that you CAN be happy being a mom AND still be a woman/wife -- I have learned you cannot JUST be a mom and still have a good M.

As far as the housework, my sitch was a bit different in that H started doing a lot more than I did and it kind of backfired. He didn't think I was appreciating it enough and I figured that I was taking care of the kids and he was doing more to help -- lack of communication there. After the bomb, I ended up doing EVERYTHING and found that if I actually took the time to do it, I really did have the time and energy to do it.

I NEVER realized how my not wanting to ML was perceived as "rejection" to my H. I didn't realize how devestating this was to our M. Once I started taking an active role and making the effort to make sure it happened all the time, not only did I enjoy it, but before he "came around" to maybe wanting things to work out, I was also "rejected" and realized what it felt like.

Please DO NOT have an affair -- emotional or physical. That is not going to help and may be the end of your M and any hope of making things better.

In my sitch, I needed the wake up call or things probably would not have changed. Even when he sent me an email saying "I don't know how much longer I can live like this" I still didn't get that D was even an option. I would think that you need to seriously sit her down and talk to her and make sure she knows how serious the sitch is. I know when H tried doing this w/ me though I would get pretty angry and/or defensive.

H and I are/were both on AD's also. I know that these can lower your sex drive, but if I had to guess, I would say that's not a big part of your ML issues. It's stemming from her resentment, etc., it's more emotional than a physical thing, but that's just my guess.