Today has turned out already to be a bit of a challenge. Incredibly, I think monster is doing "whacko" stuff to irritate me. of course, it works. We have the annual meeting tonight, all 3 of us are signed up to attend. I am always stressed when I have to be at meetings where she is...she just makes this point of always being in the line of sight, it's like she has to make sure that she is always in your mind (well, mine and h's anyway). Last 2 staff meetings have been no exceptions. she circled the table I was at 4 (yes, I counted, 4) times at the one before last; last week, she walked across the front of the room 3X. it wouldnt appear to be unusual, except that it was completly out of her way from where she was seated. Even H noticed it and commented on it.
So, this morning, I find in my mailbox here at the office, a drug company pen with a piece of paper with initials taped to it (people sometimes mark them that way) the initials were hers, with "our" last name initial added to it. it's her writing. hacked me off beyond belief. my first instinct was to attach a note to it saying she'd obviously lost something in addition to her christmas pictures, but then I just kept it. I did however double check the staff roster, and that has to be the significance of the initials, there isn't anyone else with anything close.
Even after all this time, I did go against what I know about Db'ing, and share it with H. he didnt respond real warmly.... first got this reply: Geez; I have no idea why she might be tormenting you, except that the two of you have made it personal in past months so I imagine she thinks she's really showing you or something. Cross the K out and keep the pen!! I haven't seen or heard much from her and what I have gotten has been snippy and snotty. I avoid and ignore her. Would you rather I just didn't go to the thing tonight so the two of you can fu-king stare each other down? I'm so sick of this God damn sh-t, it will never stop, her and her sh-t and you jumping on me! I imagine her game is to get us fighting and to divorce so what do you say we don't? I'm sorry, just tired and grumpy and not wanting any M sh-t today!!
instead of just ignoring, I emailed back... "I didnt intend to jump on you; usually I can keep a damper on my need for reassurance but some times it gets the best of me. I will say that I am way past fed up with her crap, and from my point of view, I seldom do anything but hang my head and take what the hell ever the whore dishes out like a whimp. I have no clue what have I ever done to torment her, other than not turn and run? my first instinct was to attach a note to the pen that it looked like she'd lost more than her pictures and give it back, but it's more useful to me if I keep it. I'd rather you went to the "thing" tonight, but its your choice, like the rest of it. I dont want to fight, I dont want to divorce, I dont want her in our life." .
and then got this in reply: "Sorry, I told you that she has told me she is "very jealous" of you. It just seems like a fatal attraction thing. I think you are handling it well. I suspect that since we threw her off at church and I have not reacted or responded to her attempts to fight she is working this angle, that way she just keeps herself in there. I think you should just keep the pen and ignore, it appears to me the thing that gets her the worse is to be ignored. It seems she pulls her little stunts when a person is tired and has little coping left. Deb, I will be honored to go to the dinner with you. I just want a stress free night and that is about impossible if you're going to any place where the M is! I love you, this will pass. Your D "
So anyway, I guess the point of my rambling here is that I am amazed at her subconcious ability to pick up on when people are most frazzled and vulnerable and hone in. and I can't help but wonder if she will ever, ever, ever go away. Makes Fatal Attraction seem to damned real. and the initials. it is so jr high. I mean, that is what girls in jr hi with crushes used to do in my day....scribble intials of combos of theirs and the guys. Of course H told me she had that in wooden letters on her living room wall, too.
I still wonder about H emailing me the pic though, too. He actually apologized, said he hoped it didnt upset me too much. and said that he had done it so I would know it was truly over. I honestly can think of no other motivation to do it. It certainly does give me ammo. and even in a weird way an ego boost.
