Thanks for the support on doing a good job on the 180s. I am near the end of Divorce Remedy. I wish I would have read this book PRIOR to getting into this relationship. I have learned a lot about myself, communication with my significant other, and the warning signs that were flashing in front of my face but I failed to notice at the time.
I did the entire "detaching" thing for the first 3 weeks or so and she did take notice. However, her complaint has always been that she "felt like a roommate" and not my girlfriend. She felt neglected. So for the past two weeks, I have been making it a point to tell her that I appreciate the things that she is doing around the house (cleaning, etc.).
I have also been inviting her out at times. For example, she gets home around 11:30pm from work (we have conflicting work schedules so that didn't help our sitch) and I have recently decided that I would start walking at night before I turned in for bed. I have been asking her if she wanted to join me. Two of the three times I have asked, she has said yes. The one time she said no due to the fact she was too tired, I went out for my walk anyway. Just to show her that I was still going to do the walk even if she didn't come along. Each time after our walk, I make it a point to thank her for coming out for a walk and that I enjoyed her coming along.
She switched shifts today at work, so we both had to work at 8am and we will both get home around 6pm. Therefore, we were both up at the same time this morning. When I got out of the shower, I found her in my room getting ready for work in front of my mirror instead of her getting ready in her room. She has been doing this more and more often over the last week or so. I find this interesting because I spend most of my time in my bedroom. Therefore, she is coming around me quite a bit more on "my turf."
Anyway, while getting ready for work this morning. She ASKED ME if I was up for exercising and walking tonight! I was not expecting this at all but I simply replied with a "Sure, sounds good to me."
It is really nice to be spending much more time together just talking and hanging out (eating dinner together, going out to get ice cream, walking, watching movies, etc.). This is a BIG change since we first broke up when she was going out every night after work (something she rarely did before) and there was little to no communication at all between us. Many times when she did speak it was either very short or she could be downright rude.
I am still being mysterious at times but I also now beginning to tell her how much I appreciate the things she does and compliment her at times. I played the whole "be distant" game at first and it did get her attention. I am just not sure what to do now!
While she hasn't given me any dates on when she plans to move, she is still dropping hints that it is her intention to move out. For example, telling me her and her friend are going to get an apartment, leaving classifieds lying around with apartments highlighted, stating that she is going to start looking for apartments after the bridal shower (which is this weekend), etc. The friend she is moving in with graduates sometime this month from college. I believe that once she graduates is when they are going to get an apartment together.
I don't want to see her leave. I just worry that if I don't at least open the lines of communication about her holding something inside that she won't have the guts to bring it up on her own. And that she would feel that she has to move out because that is what she has been saying all along.
This crap just sucks! While my situation may not compare to many others out there, I still feel bad for anyone that is going through this sort of thing. I appreciate all the support and feedback. At least I have learned a great deal about myself and relationships. I will be certain to apply my new found knowledge to this relationship if it works out, if not then my next relationship will reap the benefits.
