Crazy Eddie said: Now I've got another reason not to cheat... I can't stand for people to dig through my things!
Maybe that should be part of the pre-marriage counseling... what your spouse will do if he/she doesn't throw your a$$ out for cheating, that might make you wish they'd just dumped you and gotten it over with.
Heywyre, Before your thread locks up I wanted to address Eddie's comment because your H might see it in a similar way. While I COMPLETELY agree with the idea of having things open in a marriage, the FACT is that you and your H never had that openness of records. SO it is important for you to explain to him WHY you need that openness, at least for awhile. While it is painfully obvious to US that you (and anyone in your circumstances) would need that transparency to help HEAL that wound of betrayal, your H may not quite GET IT. he may actually feel this as a punitive punishment for past transgressions and think that it is all about you controlling him. Please take the time to make it clear to him that you WISH you did not feel a need to know these things. That you WISH you could just go back to the old ways of not knowing and feeling comfortable in your trust. For now the only way for you to relax and trust is to have that transparency.
Try to understand that as obvious as it is to us, he, Crazy Eddie, and others who are very private people, may actually just feel violated by having people even a spouse look through their things. This in NO WAY means you should back down. I just mean that what seems obvious to us may not seem as obvious to your H.
Good Luck.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
