Well its me again. My H lives in a home right now that has 4 children in it. Its his best friends house along with his best friends family. Well my 2 children love going there because there are other kids to play with and sometimes when I bring them home they cry because they would rather go there. I dont blame them but Im sure I dont need to tell you how this makes me feel. How do I compete with that? I dont know what to do. I have had to take another job since the bomb so I can keep my house. H is having the time of his life. I am moving on but its so hard because I want him to smarten up and work on us. Thats not gonna happen I know but thats what I wwould like. So do you have any advice on the housing situation? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I feel like my world is crashing in on me again. Heather
How big is your house? Would it be possible to take in a boarder? You'd loose some privacy, but maybe you could get rid of the second job. What if you sold it? Is there at least enough equity to get you and the kids into something affordable?
In answer to how you compete, you don't. Don't even try. Your kids are just that kids. They want what they want, when they want it. It's your job to be the best Mom you can be. They won't always like it, but they'll grow to respect it. Mine are older than yours so the convo's are different. Today my D14 and I were talking about a movie we saw ("The Invisible") and she made a comment about kids understanding a whole lot more than most adults gave them credit for. I said yes, but that sometimes the convo's were difficult to have with kids b/c maybe the adults weren't sure what was going on etc. It was a very enlightening convo for both of us. We didn't speak directly about my sitch, but she came away feeling alot better. Since he's out of the house and things are more obvious your convos can be different.
Thanks for the advice Grace. A new development this morning. I have to take H's sister to a hospital today for a procedure, she is also my best friend. Anyway, I told H yesterday that I wouldnt need him to come in the morning to take the kids to the sitters because I was doing this for his sister. (he comes in the morning to get the kids ready for the sitters as I start work at 7 and he doesnt start until 8). Well I am still sleeping this morning and I hear a knock at the door, so I get up to see who it is and its H with coffee. So he visited for a half hour or so and then he went off to work. Boy he sure is confusing sometimes. Im sure he just came to visit the kids but I still cant help but wonder why else he would do that. Oh well Im not gonna get my hopesup cause I dont want to be let down. Can anyone give me some insight into this? Heather
Grace, I dont have enough room for a border, its a small house with three bedrooms which we all occupy. I took the second job so I could keep my house, plus there really isnt enough equity in it to sell it adn I figure if Im gonna have to pay rent I might as well be paying a mortgage. So I really dont mind having to get a second job so far, we will see how that goes as I havent put in alot of shifts yet. Heather
Just keep this morning as a nice moment. Don't try to analyze it, b/c who knows. We tend to want to read into the good and the bad stuff they do. For example my H comes home after midnight on Tuesdays. I work really hard at not thinking about what he's doing. Last week I found out he's in an art workshop. So you just don't know.
Ok the events of this week were plentiful. On Monday, H was here when I wasnt home, he said that he was ill and all of the bathrooms at the place he was staying were occupied so he came here to use the washroom. While here he called in our income taxes. Then there is the Wednesday situation which you can read about, its two posts above this. Then on Thursday he was here while I was at my first job. I knew this because he left the toilet seat up. Noone else but him does this. Then while I was at my second job he was here again, this time he listened to my messages, messages I didnt want him to hear as they were about financing for my house. Then I found out that I need to have a legal seperation in order to have the house signed over to me. H was here on Saturday morning to pick up DS as I had to take DD to several appts. HE asked if I had heard from the bank about the financing adn I didnt say anything. He said there was a messasge and I said well then you know what they said. He said that all he got was that I needed to call them back. I told him I needed a legal seperation. He went quiet. He took my DS out for breakfast and to the park. When he returned with him, not much was said. He stood there and looked like he was gonna say something but didnt. I havent heard from him since. I feel a little invaded since he listened to my messsages. I know its still half his house, but he left and no longer lives here. I feel that that doesnt give him the right to listen to my messages or come here while I am gone without so much as a word to say that he was here. What your take on this? He just gets more confusing everyday. heather
If he no longer lives there, you can do what I did with W and politely ask for the key and tell him your concerns. If you don't feel you can, the only thing you can do is wait until the LS.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
I'm from Canada, not the US, but it confuses me that you need to have a LS to transfer the house to your name. Here you can just go to a lawyer and have it transfered. your H would just have to sign the papers.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Hi Imageer I am in Canada, Ontario actually. The bank told me that I had to have a legal seperation. I dont know why but thats what she told me. I also assumed that he would just have to sign it over to me, but I guess not. Heather
So I have decided that Im not pursuing this legal seperation. This is what he wants so he can deal with it. I also expect him to pay for it. So Im just not going to mention anything about it until he does then I will tell him that he is doing all the legwork. This was his decision. Its so hard because I just want to scream at him for coming into the house when Im not home and listening to my messages, but I am restraining myself. ARRRGGGGHHH Heather
