I don't know the details, so I'm not sure if you have ever been cheated on or not...so for the purposes of this response I'm going to ask you this. If you HAD/HAVE been cheated on...do you think you could just let it go if you felt your spouse was hiding something from you?
Speaking from my own experience, I couldn't. I know some people can, but IMPO...that is avoidance. Some people live in the world of avoidance though, I realize that.
Heywyre,
There was a time in my marriage when I wasn't sure I had all the info myself, when I kept getting bits and pieces. I also figured, as you do, that he wasn't giving me the whole story because he was afraid I would leave, it's a realistic fear that he had....just as it is for your H if this is his fear. I finally did tell him that he had an opportunity to come clean completely with me, a "Get Out of Jail Free Card"...if-you-will. I told him that he had a certain amount of time (I think I gave him 2-3 days) where he had the opportunity to tell me anything else he was hiding....without me walking out the door, but that during that time I did expect him to pony up and give me ANY details he hadn't already given me. I also explained to him that "if" he was holding anything back that it would be in his/out best interest for him to go ahead and tell me and get that over with....because if it ever came out in the future and I found out it would be like setting us back at ground zero and I didn't think I could recover from that.
Now, with my H...fortunately he really wasn't hiding much more that I didn't already know, but he didn't know I knew it (and I now believe that), BUT he did decide to tell me about stuff he didn't realize I had already discovered....which gave me some security in believing that he was being honest with me.
We already know that there's a good chance Heywyre that your H has whore/madonna like mine. So it was also important for me when I said this to my H to let him know that I was willing to concentrate on his actions from today forward and do my best to put yesterday behind us, but the only way I could really do that was to have some security in knowing I wouldn't be finding out about stuff tomorrow, or the next day, or a year from now.
This is tough I know...like I said, please feel free to e-mail if you need to.
