COG, is there any way you can get her off on a total away-from-it-all weekend? or a mini-vacation?

i'm thinking either 1) she's so busy that her life revolves around duties rather than pleasure, and if the mind isn't open to it, then neither will be the body. thus, she needs something to break that cycle, to slow her down for a moment
or, 2) she's hiding behind all the duties and doesn't want to break the cycle.

Either case, she needs help and encouragement.

Supermoms are used to expending all their energies for everyone else, and by the time they get in the bedroom, its for sleep and nothing else. A husband's needs and desires are just another 'duty' on her full plate.

it sounds as if you are doing all you can to make her open to sex, being gentle, insistant, reasonable, demanding. she sounds like she needs to rediscover her feminine side, be pampered, relaxed, and to reacquaint herself with her feelings.

Is there anyway you can gift her with an afternoon massage/steam room/facial at a spa? she will think it a total waste of time, but she may surprise herself and enjoy it.

another idea-but one not related directly to sex, is: does she have a regular time-out with herself or friends or even a date night with you, just to get away from the 'mom' role? by date night, i don't mean romantic, but just a night at the movies, theater, museum; whatever she enjoys that has nothing to do with romance...even just a long walk in the woods.
does she have hobbies or other things she enjoys that she does regularly? i've learned you have to fill the well to be of use to anyone else and this is Very Important to wives and mothers who have to do for everyone else each and every day.
My first m, when the kids were young, I used to be so tired when my H would approach but being a 'good' wife i tried to never say no...unfortunately, the quality was lacking severely and i hate to admit i was soo tired i fell asleep.
women are wired to do for others and to put themselves last so sometimes they have to be forced to stop and take care of themselves. IF you think this is her problem, is there a way you can find out what really makes her relax and connect to her inner self, and then to make sure she has time for it? it would be entirely self-less on your part, for you will need to let her know there is no sex involved in this, no 'pay-backs' or expectations on your part, just concern and love for her.
If this IS the problem and you can accomplish this, there WILL BE paybacks, let me assure you.
jacqm