Thank you Fran. I really appreciate you giving me a thoughtful reply.
I've been lurking here long enough to read a handful of threads (some are quite long!) I bought the books (DB and SSM) long ago (maybe a year or two). Bought a second copy of SSM, so my wife could read it too at the same time (she seemed interested). Like so many things here, we've both neglected to follow through.
GAL sounds great, and I know I need to do that. And, that one seems easiest to do while still smothered by my own resentment.
Going back to dating mode -- that's a tough one. I am sure she hasn't seen me light up when she walks in the room. I know this is harmful to the R, but I'm finding it really hard to even look at her at all when she walks in the room (literally, sometimes). I've found myself tending to become withdrawn from her, emotionally, since it became clearer to me her lack of sexual desire is less about her body's interest in the act (or circumstances of being tired, etc.), and is more about the resentment she feels towards me. That really hurts, because it's not where all the LD and lack of intimacy started. I really was very attentitive to her (probably too much so) -- her emotional needs, wishes in life, growth, sensitivities. I tried SOOO hard to please her, to make life special for her (probably to an unhealthy extent). She may have reasons to resent me by now, but damn it I'm not the one that put us on this path. I know it "shouldn't" matter, and that I've got to find a way to stay focused on the prize -- a good happy future together. But, it is a fact that right now we are a stalemate. Her resentment vs. my resentment. Her disinterest in giving me the gift five minutes of loving attention vs. my unwillingness to feel manipulated and victimized by it anymore.
I've got to get myself unstuck... which means I've got to motivate myself to do so... which, right now, in all honesty, isn't looking so promising.
