This piecing stuff perhaps will always feel crazy...
Quote:
I would like to know how to not get my H riled up when he starts talking about his resentment. I do tell him I am sorry you feel that way, but sometimes it seems he just has to rant. Or when he says something about my past behavior, that I know I should not defend myself against.
You know VC, for my "guy" friends on the board I have thrown out there a little book called For Men Only - by Feldhahn. In fact, it was his wife (Shaunti) that wrote the first book in that series, aptly named For Women Only (FWO). FWO is a quick read (about 200 pgs) and might give you some insight to how your man feels. The books is based on survey responses which I think it great because it is grounded in some point of fact - but also the book is inspirational. Suggested reading.
For us LBS's, its tough to sometimes keep taking it on the chin about how "we" failed the M/R. I think you just have to allow the rant. As the WAS processes it all - it slowly becomes apparent what hand they had in the failure as well. But, it takes time. I think it took my W about 10 months or so to figure it out. But they get there. And no matter, for me, once I finally started to really DR/DB, I took a future focus anyway.
Be proud of your accomplishments - and whatever next phases of your life will bring and more good things will come. To quote a good friend, "what you focus on expands".
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
