New To SSM

[COG]

ACJ,

Did you get the shoes too?

No, they did'nt have her size, and I don't think she would like them anyway. But what the heck do I know?

CJ,

Sex is also rather boring for me. We kiss, he plays with my boobs, then goes for the O.

Yep, that's me alright. Are you sure you're not my W? And so what your trying to say is that kissing, playing with boobs, then going for the O is not the right plan. That's all I know. That's all that 99.9% of men know.

He doesn't understand that how you get there is more important. I would love it if he made me beg for it sometimes.

Trying to get my W to "beg for it" is like waiting for a friggin iceberg to melt, or trying to train a giraffe to fetch the paper.

My H is very romantically challenged.

Me too! I don't know what the heck I'm doing. It's so frustrating, I've just given up.

Just knowing that he is going to surprise me turns me on. Have your ever surprised your W this way?

Actually a few months ago I surprised her with a limo, dinner and a bunch of friends for her BDay. She was definately surprised, but it did'nt "turn her on" at all. If anything, she expressed a little discomfort because she was worried that I would "expect something" for my effort. She's a sexual dust bowl right now.

Jacqm

and to reiterate what cj says, and like what i said earlier, do you/can you do the gentle yet teasing little touches throughout the day; intimate yet undemanding gestures that show you see her as a desireable woman?

Yes, I'm pretty regular with that. It comes natural, but it rarely gets returned, and that gets a little frustrating too.

you are a lucky man, here you are getting a crash course about what woman like from women, who should know best.

Oh you got that right, and I do appreciate it VERY much. I'm listening, and learning stuff I should have learned a long time ago.

surely something will fit your W's desires.

Yep, probably one of those male swimsuit models would fit her desires.

have you ever asked her what makes her feel special?

She tells me that if I had treated her the way I treat her now back in our early M, she would have just melted. But for some reason she's just not open to it now, does'nt have the feelings for it, somehow can't accept it. But in honor of you, I will ask again.

[cjhoffy]

And so what your trying to say is that kissing, playing with boobs, then going for the O is not the right plan.

COG,

That is far from the right plan. You have to pay attention to every part of her body. Be a tease. Find out where all of her pleasure spots are. Don't try for the O until she is way turned on. If all you focus on is the O, you take the fun out of it. Focus on having fun getting there. If she has fun getting there she will look forward to it next time.

Since I have been figuring some things out that I was doing wrong in our M, H is trying to be more romantic and is more open to me giving him ideas. I used to be way too bossy and critical about it. My thread

I don't know what my problem is, but I can't bring myself to verbalize what I would like H to do while we are ML. I talked to him about it last time (Saturday) and asked him if it would be okay if I wrote them on a piece of paper. He was okay with that. He hasn't looked it over, yet. I hope it works. I could send you the same list by PM if you like. If ML was more fun for your W, maybe she wouldn't be so reluctant. That is what I am hoping for my H.

Maybe just being a little silly could help. What do you think of these: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_so_0/102-...Clothes&page=1.

When you touch your W outside of ML, do you flirt with her and then leave her alone so that she doesn't feel like she has to ML. Many women don't like feeling like they are going to ML every time they are touched or spoken to in an intimate way. Make her feel beautiful and loved without expecting sex. The same goes for any romantic outings or gestures. Do some things with her or for her that she likes without expecting sex. Google "romantic ideas."

[jacqm]

ok...

Sex is also rather boring for me. We kiss, he plays with my boobs, then goes for the O.
Yep, that's me alright. Are you sure you're not my W? And so what your trying to say is that kissing, playing with boobs, then going for the O is not the right plan. That's all I know. That's all that 99.9% of men know.

well, all women are different, but hey, one of the things i realllly loved was when i was cooking and H would come up behind me and put his hands all over me...i'd stop whatever i was doing, lean back with eyes closed and melt into his chest.

another time, he grabbed me, backed me up to the wall while kissing and groping me, pushed me back on the stairs and little by little, we worked our way up the stairs.

i always fantasized about being shoved back on the dining room table......

and my all time favorite thing was watching him shave-nude, of course, so intent on what he was doing, and i would end up on the floor at his feet and, well, you know. then HE would stand with his eyes closed, water running, lost in sensation.....

ever scrub her back but end up soaping her up?

or, another time, when he bought me a single red rose and used that to lightly circle all over my body.....

i think exploring each other's bodies is the most relaxing and erotic pasttime...

and somehow, my H and i ended up where we lay together, his hand on my breast while watching kindergarten cop and THAT was foreplay?????
sigh...

jacqm

[jacqm]

i guess what i'm saying is, often exploration, slow and gentle, and sometimes a bit rough and insistent is awesome and very sexy. letting a woman know you appreciate her physically and find her so desirous; that you are proud of her and want to adorn her and take the time to try various things--youi know how a woman will hold an outfit up and look in the mirror to see how it looks? try doing stuff like that..

all i know is it would have me eating out of your hands!

and, sometimes women like a man to be manly and not so considerate--but not too often! remember scarlet in gone with the wind, as he carries her upstairs and the next morning she's purring like a kitten??

[COG]

CJ,

If all you focus on is the O, you take the fun out of it. Focus on having fun getting there. If she has fun getting there she will look forward to it next time......When you touch your W outside of ML, do you flirt with her and then leave her alone so that she doesn't feel like she has to ML. Many women don't like feeling like they are going to ML every time they are touched or spoken to in an intimate way. Make her feel beautiful and loved without expecting sex. The same goes for any romantic outings or gestures. Do some things with her or for her that she likes without expecting sex. Google "romantic ideas."

My problem is that she's closed, not open to ANYTHING that resembles one on one physical intimacy. Sure we hug and kiss hello and goodnight, but that's all she's open to. Anything more makes her want to run and hide, like I'm a headless zombie. But I will search google just the same.

Maybe just being a little silly could help. What do you think of these: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_so_0/102-...Clothes&page=1.

Um, I'm thinking not in a million friggin years would I wear something like that. I look more like a Bill Murray than a whoever macho movie star.

I talked to him about it last time (Saturday) and asked him if it would be okay if I wrote them on a piece of paper. He was okay with that. He hasn't looked it over, yet. I hope it works. I could send you the same list by PM if you like.

Well heck ya I'd like to get some real behind the scenes info. I'm out to lunch on this stuff. If you can't get the PM stuff working here's my email [e-mail]

Thanks,

COG

[COG]

Jacqm,

I used to attack my W in different locations throughout the house, at different times, in different ways. I remember the best way was to start early in the morning with a kiss on the neck and sort of give her the eye and say, "I can't wait to get back home from work". I could have it just about anytime anywhere. When and if her heart ever opens up again, I'll be very different for sure.

Thanks,

COG

[cjhoffy]

COG,

You might also want to try reading something by Tracey Cox. She has some good books about sex and flirting.

[cjhoffy]

Another good author is Lou Paget.

[cjhoffy]

COG,

If your W had given you the note I e-mailed you when you were still ML, how would you have felt? What if you knew back then that she wanted more variety. I am speaking about my own sit here and wondering how my H might be taking it.

[COG]

CJ,

What if you knew back then that she wanted more variety. I am speaking about my own sit here and wondering how my H might be taking it.

Well it was no secret in our R that I was open to new things. I read several books etc., but mostly learned mechanical stuff on how to get your woman to climax. At least that's the subject that I focused on most. I think if my W had approached me with a list of things that turned her on, or enhanced her ML experience I would definately have been open to it. If it was presented properly that is. The wrong way would be to come at me with an attitude like "here is my list of demands. You've been a lousy lover all these years and it's about time you get it right you big dufus". As opposed "H, you are an awesome lover. I love ML to you and I'm getting hot just thinking about you. I would love you to try blah, blah, blahing me next time. I think that might really get me ready for you so I can dig you even more. You are a sexy man and I know you'll take good care of me". I think that would help get me off my routine.

My W had an O frequently when we ML. I ALWAYS made sure she climaxed first. Then just a couple of weeks ago, she informed me that she could count on two hands the number of times that she felt we had REALLY good sex. So I'm thinking that I've been way too mechanical, and based on the remarks you my female friends are making here, not nearly as ????? as I should be.

Please fill in the ????? for me. (romantic, flirty, slow, aware, handsome, or what?????)

God Bless,

COG