OK, I was flippin out earlier. I hate this ride. It's been up-down, up-down for me lately.
I'm actually calm right now, and I am talking to my W more. It's like I need to know where she is and who she talks to if she wants to focus on me again, which I see as a positive.
I guess I can wait - it takes a lot of restraint on my part though.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Sol - you know the ride will calm down again eventually. It always does. Remember this is all a process of dealing and healing. It's going to take a lot of time no matter what the outcome.
Why restraint? why not confront her and tell her what you know? Why are you waiting? I think you have enough proof and I think your intuition was probably there telling you it even before you had the proof. My guess is she already knows or suspects you know and all of this is going to come out eventually anyway. Will waiting help? Do you really think a week or two is going to make you feel any calmer about this? It can take years to work through an affair and you are probably going to have anger about it for a loooong time.
People have different opinions on this, and I imagine you'll have your own... I don't think keeping secrets is helpful (except to the kids, they don't need to know about the affair), but I personally think being open and talking about it is a good thing. According to books, affairs flourish in secrecy. Part of the excitement is that they are typically "secret," or start out that way. If your wife really does want to be married, and has the strength to work though this (rather than runaway), then opening up and examining this secret will prove it.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I agree with ROOT. I kept alot of the information that I knew a secert believing that I was protecting my W and making it easier on her to comeback to me. I believe now that was the wrong move. I just enabled the A to continue and let my W walk all over me. Light was shed on the A on Friday for me, hopefully now that it is nolonger a secert it is not so inticing for my W.
Everyone's sitch is different and ultimately you need to make the call if you should confront her or not. I personnaly don't like lying and keeping secerts, I confronted once I had the proof.
I have to admit that I would've spewed it all out inappropriately already. There is just no way I could keep that in for more than 24 hours. It gives me a huge gut ache just thinking about it.
I will confront her Root. I will do it once I have my test results back. I can't believe she would put me at risk by not telling me and making me think they did nothing but kiss. She never admitted to the kissing part, but her "love emails" prove otherwise.
It will all come out. I hate secrets too. And I have the nerve to let the whole world know what she did. I only told a select few about the PA, but I don't want to be vengeful towards her - I just feel like it sometimes. It makes my teeth clench!
She called me at work complaining that I didn't check the bills. I countered with "why didn't you check them also?" She got angry with me, putting the blame on me again. I stood my ground and after calling her back I asked her if she had "calmed down". She actually told me she was "sorry" for treating me disrespectfully over the phone. Man, I am NOT a little kid to her, that's how she's been treating me for years. But it was a nice gesture on her part. I think she knows what I know, OM tells her everything. Go figure.
The doctor just called me. I'm OK for HIV and syphilis (negative). But I am awaiting the rest of the tests for gonorrhea and her infection that I was swabbed for.
I think the doc will call tomorrow.
Half of the test cleared. I'm still a nervous wreck though.
Last edited by sol1696; 05/01/0708:02 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
You still need to get checked again for HIV in 3-6 months. It can take 3 months before it shows up in your blood.
Your test results right now are irrelevant to the issue of her affair. If you have something, she gave it to you. If you don't, you STILL know she got trichomonas from the OM.
I have to admit that I would've spewed it all out inappropriately already. There is just no way I could keep that in for more than 24 hours. It gives me a huge gut ache just thinking about it.
Olive - I wanted to tell her when she got jealous about my emails from my female friends - some are from the boards so I have sensitive stuff that I talk about that she has no business knowing. It's information that belongs only to me and this place, a safe haven for me as I was told.
Last edited by sol1696; 05/01/0708:12 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I understand wanting to be vengeful, I think we all want some revenge for what our S are putting us through. The one thing that keeps me from doing something stupid is knowing that in the end I want to look back no matter how this turns out and know that I kept my dignity and integrity intact. No matter how bad this gets make sure that you can look at yourself in a few years and know that you have no regrets and that you would not have done anything differently.
