Why restraint? why not confront her and tell her what you know? Why are you waiting? I think you have enough proof and I think your intuition was probably there telling you it even before you had the proof. My guess is she already knows or suspects you know and all of this is going to come out eventually anyway. Will waiting help? Do you really think a week or two is going to make you feel any calmer about this? It can take years to work through an affair and you are probably going to have anger about it for a loooong time.
People have different opinions on this, and I imagine you'll have your own... I don't think keeping secrets is helpful (except to the kids, they don't need to know about the affair), but I personally think being open and talking about it is a good thing. According to books, affairs flourish in secrecy. Part of the excitement is that they are typically "secret," or start out that way. If your wife really does want to be married, and has the strength to work though this (rather than runaway), then opening up and examining this secret will prove it.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
