Sounds to me like you two are lacking "intimacy" & communication. Intimacy not just in the sexual form...but in general in your marriage.
May I ask why you stayed in this marriage after she told you shortly after you were married that "she felt she had made a mistake and never should have married you?" What kept you there...besides the fact that you had just taken vows?
Why do you think she continually threatens divorce? Does she have a pattern of running away from issues? It's obviously a defelction techinque so she can shut you down and not address an issue, which worked for her....but I'm curious about her history.
What have you communicated to her? You say you two have ZERO communication...but how do you think things can be fixed without fixing the communication issue? You two MUST fix this in order to address the intimacy issue.
I would suggest you finding a MC, making an appointment and telling her you would like her to go with you. If she says no and threatens divorce...go anyway. Tell her she's responsible for her own choices...and don't take that bait.
Do things for you, things that make you happy....working out, taking up a hobby, spending time with your kids....with or without her. That can often lead to you appearing more interesting in her eyes. Another thing (sorry writing this a bit disjointedly)...do you think you may appear needy to her? If so, that's a major turnoff to women....especially women with kids. Just curious. Time to deal with one thing at a time and I'm sure others will jump in here as well.
