I have more to say but it will be later today. In the mean time, a couple of suggestions.
Immediately remove Missy from any discussions about your marriage. You need to get her out of the drama. From what you describe, her effect on the relationship right now is toxic. She needs to be excluded from the relationship (for now) just like the other woman.
Right now, it looks like there are four adults in your marriage instead of the normal two.
Also. Stop all of the game playing. Even if he does it, you stop all of your part. No threats, no couch games, none of that. Sleep in your bed with or without him. No running off with the kids when you two are going at it. Like I said in my earlier post, no fighting. Stop all the drama.
On the issue with the past. Apologize to him that you have hurt his feelings. Let him know you are sorry, every time he brings it up. Obviously, you never stopped loving him during the breakup. Let him know that you are sorry that you hurt him, but tell him that he never lost your heart, even when things were bad. Most importantly, stop justifying any of it. That just makes it worse for him.
I know you can't do this forever, but you need to understand that in his world, he is living in pain that he hasn't figured out how to process yet. Making demands that he "just get over it" really makes the situation much worse. If your counselor or friends are telling you to tell him that, then you need to ignore their advice. They are wrong.
Oh, and let hubby know that you won't be discussing your marital problems with Missy or anyone other than with your counselor.
I understand that he is behaving inappropriately, but he has some major trust issues that are going to at least need to be addressed before you can do much else. So for the time being, consider yourself to be the bomb squad. You diffuse situations as they arise. I don't mean for you to be a door mat, but for you to back way off.
Give him a sheet of paper with all your accounts and their passwords (this site excepted). Don't delete emails. You demonstrate what transparency looks like to him.
Are you following me so far?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
