sorry you are here, and yet you are in the right place. IF you wish, you can Keep Road Home Paved and Smooth for your h, and not make him returning any harder than it already would be. I THINK that means not criticising his choices b/c then he defends them, instead of looking at them with a good eye. And that's also why he isn't telling others. Can't really stare at the choices...but he'll have to eventually, Also, if you use a parental voice, "How could you do this?" and pretty much ALL questions starting with the word "Why"...then you shut out their inner voice. So, in front of him, Lose the anger. I KNOW it's hard, OMG ALL of us here get that.
But getting angry at him to his face simply makes things worse. Get angry HERE and vent HERE... Most of us do not know what exactly to do or say to make things better. But most of us Do know what to say or do to make things worse...spewing venom at the WAS is one of the big ones...b/c it just validates their leaving choice...if he feels "safe" in discussing things with you, like a friend, that's a start. Listen like a lover, is what my DB coach said and boy was that hard....but it helped my h to start opening up more, share concerns, and he had a friend in me. I THINK that is why there was no OW as far as I know and why we are in piecing. A year ago, I'd have said, No way. But we may make it after all. Go figure. DBing does help either way your sitch goes. But I strongly believe your best chance of making it is with the DB approach, and or a religious epiphany for your H. Or both. Just figure out what you've done that did NOT work, do less of it or eliminate it. See if there is anything that helped, do more of it. Monitor results, give it time and well, I guess I'm reciting the book for you. Did you get the DB books yet? They're helpful big time.
hang in there, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
