I know it's not going to be fun to have to dredge all this stuff up again...but he honestly just doesn't get that his refusal to provide you with these things causes a trigger, his refusal gives you reason not to trust....because there's NO reason not to hand those things over. The bills are yours jointly, the money belongs to both of you, the money that pays his/your cell phone bills is yours jointly.
As to the "well you never questioned me before, why now?" comment...well, "before you cheated I was able to trust you, you have cheated now...that kills trust. Providing me with these things helps YOU rebuild that trust you killed." I mean, infidelity is in itself based on lies and deceit...cheaters, lie. Cheaters kill trust in their partner. BECAUSE he had the affair he doesn't have a right to expect your trust without doing what it takes to earn it back.
This is all explained in that book I referred to you.
