Down and dirty: 36yo (ME) 33yo(SHE), two great kids, one in grade school one in high school. Over the course of 13 years of marriage, we traditionaly have had sex once a month. MAX. In the past 9 months we have had sex 3 times. Two of those times were back to back around Christmas time and once was a month prior. The time in November was because she was feeling "insecure" about me and the lack of sex and my time on the road. This had nothing to do with me, it was solely to comfort her insecurities. It should be understood that our marriage has been "strained" pretty much from the honeymoon. In fact it was told to me during the argument on our honeymoon, that she felt she had made a mistake and never should have married me. Perfect. During the ensueing years, there have been MULTIPLE threats of divorce by her. AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. Anytime things were not going her way she would drop that bomb, knowing that I would fold and placate her. Lately this has changed as I am un-willing to play that particular control game. Before I go further , please know that I understand that I am just as much to blame for our issues right now. I am far from perfect. There are plenty of things I have worked on/am working on to be more helpful to her around the house for instance. However, I have never said things to her designed to cause pain. Never. She knows that I am naturally insecure in some areas and uses them to manipulate me. Currently, I feel as though I have been pushed as far away as I can get without actually moving out and filing for divorce. We are roommates. In bed I am dedicated to her orgasm. It is truly what makes it enjoyable for me. Any way I can get her there I love to do it. Unfortunately, for the past two years I have been suffering from the "wisdom of the penis" I.E. I have so little emotional trust in her that things just done work. In order to perform for the last two years, I have been "chemicly enhanced". Things are really really a mess. I am doubtful that things can be fixed as we have ZERO communication. I have tried to get her to go with me to councilling, and have gone by myself to try to gain the tools I will need to survive a dead marriage. The lack of sex has really put the zap on my head. I was begining to re-develop my sense of confidence, but this past year has just evaporated any progress in that area. I have never cheated, and really dont think I could. A major problem(s) for me is the lack of trust, lack of communication, and lack of anything remotely approaching intamacy. I have, over the years, developed some major league resentment. On the silver lining side, My children and I enjoy a solid relationship, I am involved in activities outside the marriage, and am well versed in leaving her alone to do her own thing. I am simply at the end of my rope. I crave someone to love on me. I crave affection of some kind. The coldness is absolutely deadly to me. I am tired of feeling as lonely and alone in my own home, surrounded by those I love the most, as I do when I am on the road. Don't know why I am posting, other than to get it all out as best I can. I really have no one else to talk to about all this. I would love to talk with my wife(roommate) but there is just no way this will not degrade into a major "blamestorming" session. HOPELESS!!!!
