Are you a newbie to this board or a newbie to divorce-busting in general?
Get a Life: This means you go out and do what YOU feel like doing to have fun and enjoy life, by all means invite W along, but do things anyway whether she wants to (or wants you to) or not. This is important in creating a happier you and a happier you that is not dependent on her for your happiness. This person will be more attractive to her.
Go back to dating mode: How did you used to behave when you were dating her? Cast your mind back and see if you can behave that way again. I'm sure you didn't walk up to her and just say, any chance of some sex? I'm sure you courted her, made her feel pretty/desirable/interesting etc. See if you can practice making your face light up when she walks into the room. She probably hasn't seen that in a while.
Sex does become a chore to women who don't feel flattered/cosseted etc. It becomes a chore because often the H can make it sound like it is part of the wifely duties like cooking the dinner or whatever. As soon as the H sees sex as being a "need" that the W should provide the W sees it in the same way. Once she sees it that way it inevitably turns into a chore.
There's lots of other things to do, but that's a start at least. Don't get too wound up by the fact that it is you doing this and not her. I'm sure there is plenty about herself that she could correct but she's not here and you are. Make a start and she will react. Keep us posted.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
