And the fact that he doesn't want "to go there" again should encourage him to be transparent
I think I might bring this up with C in our couples session this Friday since we did talk about trust today, and he usually overlaps what we talk about separately and what we talk about together so it might be a good opportunity, especially when H will want to know how my session went today and I talk about "trust issues"
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
And the fact that he doesn't want "to go there" again should encourage him to be transparent
EXACTLY! I found a great tool for me was to bring up things I felt were really important in the MC's office.
Also, I do honestly recommend you pick up the book I mentioned and ask him to read it. If for no other reason but to understand YOUR perspective in all of this. It's not an attack on him or anything like that but MANY cheating spouses truly underestimate what we as betrayed spouses go through and how long the effects last.
for the most part, I am doing okay but I really feel down right now. I should be happy that he will be home soon but what with C and the things I know I need to address with him I don't know if I can get through this anymore
Can you give me the name of that book again - I totally forgot it
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Yes, we have BOTH read it, it was a VERY good book. As a matter of fact, I have it on hold AGAIN at the library because we both want to read it a second time
That is one thing I will have to say.. H has been reading every book I have. I read it first, see if it has significant meaning for me and then give it to him - lol
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Ya know...fwiw, I do think your H has good intentions. I just don't think he really "gets it" about trust/privacy. It may take a 2x4 for him to get it, or it may simply take the MC explaining the necessity of it, OR it may take you drawing a firm line in the sand about it.
Hopefully...between the book and the MC he'll see the light on it. When it comes to discussing it though, don't hold back...tell him how it makes you feel, tell him about the triggers it causes...be brutally honest about it.
The MC we had told me not to hold back with my H, not to protect him from my pain...because HE caused the pain I was having to endure, she felt he needed to see it to learn from it. I'm not sure what approach your MC uses, but the one ours used...definitely took the stance that my H needed to be willing to do WHATEVER it took to heal me.
Well, interesting that you should say that because I have always felt that as much as he seems to be a good C, he is rather passive I find.
However, today when we were by ourselves, he told me that he felt the sessions were a little one-sided and that I was much more concerned about helping H than healing myself and he wanted to see that balance out a little more. So perhaps that is what he is talking about - taking care of ME and not being so concerned about H - should be interesting on Friday
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well I'm off to finish up a few things and then to bed with a book for a bit. You did fine today, I KNOW it wasn't easy.
As for your counselor, if you are anything like me, and I have a feeling you are...you probably do concern yourself too much with him (which is easy to do considering the issue) and not enough with yourself. You may have to put your foot down and firmly about the phone issue.
But hey! This ordeal today wasn't for naught now was it? It may have provided you with some more clarification/backup for things YOU need to prevent triggers. If you hadn't gone through this today...some of that info might never have come out for us to back you up and provide you with further resources ;-)
Absolutely - thanks for all the input and helping me get through the day. I truly appreciate it
And, yes, it has given me a LOT of food for thought - I will be making that C work for his money from this point on - lol
have a good rest, you need it after dealing with me all day - lol
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
It's been my pleasure to help you through the day...afterall, there aren't many of us dealing with this unique issue. Or at least I pray to God there aren't many of us!!! We gotta stick together!
