Yes, the main thing is I DID make it through the day, as rough as it was. C even acknowledged that today would be a REAL trigger for me and asked how I was holding up.
He doesn't have to work tomorrow so I am hoping that he will suggest meeting me for lunch, like he usually does on Mondays but he wasn't here today, so we'll see what he says. I don't want to sound needy, so it would be nice if he suggested it first.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I totally agree with everything Greeneyedlass said. HE HAS HAD AN OW. Privacy = out. He should be handing you cell phone, phone bills, etc on a silver platter.
You have no idea how common it is for affairs to go underground after discovery. As common as mud, I would say. Even if there is no longer a PA, they could still very well be in contact.
A man who doesn't sleep with his wife for 18 months doesn't just have a Madonna/Whore complex, he has another sexual outlet. Which need not be a physical affair, mind you, but something. Find it.
I don't think he is seeing or even talking to her because her phone number has changed and he doens't know it (I do though) however, now that he has been in that city for the whole day, I wouldn't put it past him to have picked up the local paper and got it from the personal ads
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I'm going to have to disagree about the Whore/Madonna complex...because my H definitely does have it. Yes, there is ANOTHER sexual outlet, but that is part of Whore/Madonna. They seek out women who are nothing like their wife for their sexual gratification (online or in person) for the most part. They don't view their wife sexually.
BUT, as you said...it's not at all uncommon for people to continue contact, just go further underground. Which is what I'm concerned with regarding his cell phone and bill situation.
Heywyre...you should have access to ALL bills, and all accounts...in detail.
It needn't be this particular OW. It could be a totally different OW, or online porn, or whatnot. But I have yet to meet the man, LD or not, who'd go without sex for such an extended period of time. I'd be very, very suspicious.
I'm going to have to disagree about the Whore/Madonna complex...because my H definitely does have it. Yes, there is ANOTHER sexual outlet, but that is part of Whore/Madonna. They seek out women who are nothing like their wife for their sexual gratification (online or in person) for the most part. They don't view their wife sexually.
BUT, as you said...it's not at all uncommon for people to continue contact, just go further underground. Which is what I'm concerned with regarding his cell phone and bill situation.
Heywyre...you should have access to ALL bills, and all accounts...in detail.GEL
I meant to say "doesn't have just a Madonna/Whore complex", but forgot the "just". I "just" edited it in, did you see?
I don't want to poke the bear here...but you don't have access to his phone log remember? There is no way of knowing if he truly knows her number or not....is there? If you aren't seeing a detailed log, and don't have access to his phone...you simply have his word.
It's very common for a cheating spouse to lie to our faces...that's part of infidelity. I really hope he's not doing that, I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt...but that's why it's so important he give you full access to the phone. If she was/is calling or texting him you would be able to see it in a detailed phone bill.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so confused. C pretty much agreed with me 100% today that it sounds like H is suffering from the complex and he said the best way to deal with it is psychoanalysis and cognitive behaviour therapy
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I don't doubt that your H probably does have this...and dealing with it is definitel something you two need to go forward with. However...there's no reason you two cannot work this in as well. This is BASIC trust behavior and rebuilding that needs to happen...it CAN be married into the sessions that deal with his Whore/Madonna as well. In fact I can definitely see how the C needs to address that because of this complex, and the behaviors that come with it....HE NEEDS TO BE TRANSPARENT.
Try not to stress too much about this right now. I know Southerngrl and I have loaded you up with talk about triggers...but this is something that can be dealt with. He just needs someone to get through to him about the importance of complete transparency....not only because of his past cheating, but because of the fact that he may have this complex...and the potential temptations to cheat again that it can bring until he gets a real handle on it.
