Whore/Madonna Syndrome

[Heywyre]

It has always been a BIG issue with him - not so much about who he was calling but more about his "privacy". In all due fairness, he has always been strong about each one having their privacy (i.e. he doesn't open mail addressed to me, won't dare go into my wallet or purse) I for one couldn't care less if he did, its just always been the way he was, long before the A. And we have talked to the C about it, there is a part of him that feels he will lose himself if he reveals all. I know that sounds corny but he is having some real trust issues, not only with me/women but also with himself. We have a lot of deal with here other than just the A

Having said that, I know that I should have access, and I did for quite some time but I told him that's where I got the information. And I told him because I was pretty sure he would do exactly what he is doing now. Not because I figured he was screwing around again but because I don't want to snoop anymore, it drives me nuts (probably more so than not knowing)

I have brought this issue up and it is one that he just won't budge on, he gets really defensive and I just don't want to go there right now, we just have too many other things on our plate.

I totally understand what you are saying and, yes, it would make me feel better. But, if he really wanted to, he could just take certain calls off his phone and give me the rest of it, that wouldn't do much good now would it? I have tried to get a hold of his phone when he's been in the shower or something and the calls are just the usual ones, no OW or "curious" numbers so I tend to believe him that nothing is happening.

Interestingly enough, the C and I were talking about trust today and my trouble with it. He came to the conclusion it wasn't about me trusting H so much as it was about me trusting ME!! Hmmm, have to think about that one. Maybe he has a point

As for going online, H cut that ability off and he doesn't get a full printout of his bill, no logs, just the amount which tells me nothing. I really don't know how to approach the whole "I want to see your phome bill from now on" subject. As much as I know it would help me build trust, what it might do to destroy what we've built up so far might be worse.