I think there are different schools of thought on detachment and level of involvement because... how one handles it depends on where people are in their relationship, where an affair is, and also what seems to "work" or "not work."

Since you're wife is in the "high" of her affair I think there's probably not anything you can say or do to change that relationship. All you can do is change your relationship with her. Definitely don't follow her around like a puppy!!! My gosh, she needs to see you dressing nice, going out with friends and having a great time. Did your counselor mention being a bit more mysterious, having a positive mental attitude (it may feel fake in the beginning, but practicing it and living it helps make it true... gets those positive neural pathways working! ;\) ).

Because you do live together you will come in contact with her so she'll see any changes and you can physically detach a bit (have more of your own life at times). When you do come into contact with her, be pleasant and friendly, but then go your own way at times.

By the way, does anyone know about your wife's affair? Family members, friends, co-workers???

I do think the kids feel more security having both parents in the house with them.

So when does your wife see OM? Maybe that would be a good time to do fun and special things with the kids... activities she may regret not being part of.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.