I just want to let you know my husband used to move downstairs a lot too. He did this for quite a few years. He even did it before his MLC and the affair. I used to see it as his way of trying to run away from problems and avoidance.
He also filed for divorce twice. After the first divorce filing (and reconciliation) I told him he couldn't move downstairs anymore. I actually took apart the guest bed downstairs and carried it upstairs into the bedroom (and I'm a little weakling of a woman!!!). That way he'd have to at least stay near me. I was determined to make things work and make him stay. I even promised to make it the "happiest year of our marriage ever" and try to make everything so perfect he'd never want to divorce me again....
Well... that didn't work. He met OW and filed for divorce again the following year and that's when I finally learned to let go of my marriage.....
So what's my point here?... sometimes the yo-yoing lasts much longer than we expect and unfortunately sometimes people have to lose a lot more to figure out where they want to be. Sadly, some never do. I think you've done, and are doing, your best. Just try to be there for the kids like you've been doing. They need you.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
