Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hey, cissy, about the ow trying to convince your H that you are out to get him and her, the ow in my sitch, left a message on H's cell saying that she went to her mailbox, and there was a red "W" painted on it, and she asked him in the message if he thought it stood for Who*e. So, with her weird damsel in distress paranoia, I am sure she tried to convince him that I did it. Makes me wonder if some other cheated on wife did it. My H made the comment one time that I had probably been by her house, but I told him I have no desire to.
My H is still at home, and says he has ended it with ow, but I understand how hard it is to try and keep things "normal" when you never know what to expect. My H has also accused me of hiding or losing his stuff. If you are still having sex with him, I hope you do get checked out now and then, and maybe let him know why you are going to the dr. when he asks.
I've been really down lately because H and OW going full force strong again and he keeps putting me down and being darn right mean to me and starting arguments with me. He put me down again last night and I started to defend myself and he got mean to me and I said well I feel like I need to defend my self and he told me to lay off. said, I am so far away from you and laying off it is not even funny. I said i don't ever ask you where you are, where you've been, what time your coming home, what you're doing, who your with or what your doing with them! I told him I know what what he's doing even if I don't say. I was so angry! he says, well your pushing me away. I said I am not doing anything, so what is is this time... he said you'll figure it out and I said no i won't, I will never figure it out so why don't you just tell me! He would not tell me! I felt felt like saying I want a divorce!
He proceded to tell me you can have my money right now and that's all you need. I said you think that's all I need? I said that's not true, he said well that's all I can give you!
Somebody please tell me what I am doing to push him away?! He's got me as to where I can't even BREATH!!!!! I can't even say how was your day?!!!! I can't even blink or I am pushing him away?! He is making up things to make it out like I am the reason he is back with her and I am pushing him away. The phone bill with all there phone calls is ghastly!!!! He confides in her about our life and the choices with his job and everything else abour OUR life?!!!!? I feel like i can't take it anymore!!! How can I go "dark" without him saying I am giving him the cold shoulder or pushing him away? It's like he want me to put up and shup up a be a good little girl while he just walks all over me and does what he wants and them blames me for it!!! Sorry I am venting again... I wish I could come in here and have something good to say, but I don't. I don't think I am exagerating or blowing things out of proportion, either. I think he loves drama and I try to stay out of it. He says his life is so complicated right now and he can't handle anything else... well it doesn't have to be, he is making it that way... UGGHHH!
you are buying into his BS, he is making you the bad guy so he can have a licence to mess around w/ow. Dont' believe it!! why are you second guessing yourself or think you are the one who's doing wrong? he is messing w/your mind, don't let him.
Guess he wasn't ready to let go of his crutch aka ow just yet. He is putting you down because you are letting him. It is time you realize that this selfish man wants his cake and eat it too. I've said it to you before Cissy, you need to love yourself enough to stop being a doormat. I know you want your H back, but right now he is no shape to be the loving and respectful H you deserve.
Read "love is tough" by J Dobson, you'll know what I mean. You dont' deserve this treatment, things have not gotten better since you started piecing.
You need to decide if you want to live in fear and unease for months on end or if you want to have peace and let his madness run its course on his own, alone, away from your home.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Your H is an abuser, and IMHO, it's the one time I tell someone to get out of the M. He has to heal himself before he is of any use to anyone, including a W, and children. He is, figuratively speaking, showing you his middle finger, and you are enabling him. The OW suits him because she parties with him, so he will continue running back to her, or a version of her, until he has overcome his addiction problems. He will also blame you for all his woes, because he is in denial about his own faults.
I think, in your case, your friends and family are right ... run, and don't look back until he is healed and is a whole man. You are not doing your kids any favours by sticking it out. All you are teaching them is that a woman should just shut up and tolerate the abuse.
Sorry, if I sound harsh, but no amount of love and patience, stops an abuser and addict. Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
