Light at the End?

[*KS*Chick*]

well you know you can't read her mind Sol so stop trying

As far as the tests, I'd assume she would have had to have had one to figure out what she had and to get the pill but I don't know.

I'm facing this same thing in a few weeks and honestly I'm dreading asking for the tests but I know I have to....

[~Sol]

She just told me she got treated for her vaginal infection. That's all she has told me, and nothing else.

I am not going to second guess her. I will just go by what I know when I see my own results, and then I will show her that I had all of these tests done and I hope I can come out clean. It will then be "her turn".

[*KS*Chick*]

Right. She also denied the A. She hasn't been the picture of honesty. Knowing this though - for YOU - knowing she was more than likely checked out for the battery of diseases might help you. Or she's in SUCH a state of denial and thinks this is a run of the mill thing that happens to all women.

BTW - it doesn't.

[~Sol]

Most of her friends are either divorced or unhappy in their marriages. they are the same age as her or older. This is the kind of influence she has been exposed to, and they all work together. Go figure.

And at least I know that not all women go through this thing. There are plenty of women (and men) out their that are committed and love their spouses dearly. And I am sure that this isn't a thing that "just happens" - it's a choice.

But you are right, she is not a book of honesty. I wonder if she will ever be. I should know her character by now, she's always been a little "rough around the edges", and she desires to be a 17 year old. One thing is 100% for sure - she wants me for financial security and is afraid to lose me. I will only settle for love, everything else follows.

[~Sol]

Might as well start journaling again.

First thing first. W is acting really nice all of a sudden, we fight about our R, she accuses me of having online GF's, she's jealous of it, and yet she turns around and treats me nice...with ILY's again and doing things around the house. She's the one that started these projects, not me. I am ready to sell the house "as is" if it comes to that.

Second, I backslide on detaching. Her PA is just too much for me to take in. I see the mother of our child as a *****!! I'm just venting here, I know she made a mistake, but right now she did more than betray my trust. Is it my fault? I accept half of it that led to her having an A.

Third, my trust in her is shattered, but I really don't care for her "activities" anymore. That's why its hard to detach again, but I know I can. I loved her once, and just standing for my M knowing she screwed another man hits too close. I'm still processing, but I'm in pain when I'm alone. No one to turn to. It feels dark, not as dark as before but I just feel disgusted with her. I think if i had known everything all at one time I would be in permanent therapy. I still shake when I think about it, and I really despise the continued contact she has with that SOB!!!

I don't know if I want to continue saving my M anymore. There's no trust to build on, and she wants to continue on like nothing happened. I'm on a thread of hope here, but I know as soon as I start to detach I will improve. Right now it just hurts.....

[ford]

Keep at it, mojo man.

you can't build trust with a bucket of secrets in the room.

you sound alot more grounded and confident than you used to.

you're going to be alright, sol.

[~Sol]

Thanks ford. I am just sick of her lies, deceit, and her misguided affection. It's like she wants me and that SOB in her life. It seems like she wants her home (me) and her fun (SOB).

And I read somewhere that you detest liars. Same here. I can't tolerate them. Even SS at home tends to lie about his teenage activities, and when he lies to my face - it burns me up! I had a "talk" with him before - told him I was once in his shoes. I understand him more than his mother. And I told him he needs to just tell me the truth and I will be OK with it. My W can't be trusted right now, she's still mixed up even though she puts on a happy home. The only person that won't tell any lies or deceive anyone is my little girl. She even told me she threw a rock at an older boy for hitting her - I told her it wasn't right, but thanked her for telling me the truth. I love my daughter for it.

All of us could learn a thing or 2 from out little ones. They simply love their families.

[runningoutoftime]

And that's why you have to seriously consider staying. It's for your daughter. My guess is that you'd like to raise her. Also, if you were to leave, what kind of Sdad would your wife bring in the home to help raise her? Your SS might have gotten lucky getting you for a SDad, but your daughter might not get so lucky. I've seen some ugly stuff amongst friends going through divorce.

As far as your wife, If I were in your shoes I'd want to pull in the purse strings pretty tightly. You mention that you believe she's just staying with you for financial reasons. Well... start a new bank account in your name only and and don't add any more to the joint account, or a very limited amount (if you have one). Start separating finances (not for divorce, but just so you have more control)...

[~Sol]

I'm already doing that. I pull in most of the income, so I get most of the household bills paid, even the mortgage. I have a few separate accounts set aside but I need to fill them up. She has her own personal credit cards and she pays for her own car (both our names), but I made her pay for her own dam car as long as she's working too. But she also brings home groceries, so we both do our share with what we both make from our jobs. That's why she's afraid to lose me - she won't be able to afford a place on her own, well, she better start to think about staying in this marriage and to work on it then. I have been trying to do that all along - but I can't steer her in the right direction - only she can do that.

I want to be in my daughter's life - she needs at least one sane parent in her life. Right now, I am standing by myself. My arms are crossed and I am waiting for my W to prove to me that she wants this M now. It's her move, she needs to work at it too.

[~Sol]

OK. More activity with calls to OM that W is doing. No biggie, the truth will come out soon enough and I will confront her on her PA, and show her my test results and jerk's email admitting it.

How can I build trust with her if she continues to have contact with that SOB????

I just feel that I am more like her "meal ticket" right now. I know it's an addiction to the f-ing affair, but she will not break it off. I am not sure if I can wait a few months to cool down before I make a choice here.