Some days I feel like I can endure anything. Other days I want to kick her ass out as i feel like i'm being walked all over. I've asked her to leave, but she won't as she doesn't want to abandon the kids. She even says confusing things like, she is not sure about things, and wants to take it slow with this other guy, and wants to stay put for the time being, because she is aftaid she is screwing things up big time right now. Afraid that he will be an [censored], and she'll realize what she threw away. (what am I her gay friend now??? I'm supposed to make it easy for their love to grow?) I asked her to read a book a while back about relationships, and now I torment myself with thoughts that she is reading it to learn how to be better in a relationship with him, instead of how to repair ours.
Their is really only one thing that stops me from getting a legal seperation that allows her to move out without being considered abandonment. The pain of losing her is one thing, but the pain of losing the ability to spend unlimited time with my kids is another. I make them breakfast in the morning, tuck them in at night, I love spending time with them, and I just want the best for them. And I know that us seperated in seperate houses is not the best thing for them, although that very well might be where we are headed.
I guess i'm just swallowing my pride for my children, and my wife knows it.
I definately can do a better job detaching, luckily we have a big house, and I am sleeping in the guest suite in the basement. So i don't need to see her all the time. So i guess I need to see if I can live like this and detach. My definition of detachment is living with her as "neighbors" without feeling any need to know what she is up to, and no need for me to feel hurt when i see her doing things that make me jealous, needy, or angry.
