My wife is falling in love with OM - help.

[Astimegoeson]

I to had to get it off my chest at one point. I just told her I loved her, but wasn't going to be second to any Man. I told her I'm sorry it came to this and that I was going to miss her. This was the beginning of my detachment.

That was about a year ago and I don't think it initially made an impression on her. Only when I followed it up with action did she notice. Be forewarned, this process takes a while and you have to be consistent in your actions/behavior. You have to learn to act INDIFFERENT to her and her behavior. You can't come across as angry, frustrated, or confused at the slow pace even if you feel that way. I use to think of my W as an expensive baby sitter and this helped me detach. I would only call the baby sitter to check on my kids. Out of the 2 or 3 times we have contact during the week, she initiates it 95% of the time via email or phone. I use to flirt with her via text message before we split and I no longer do that. She still occasionally text me to see if I'll bite on it, but I have not text her since I moved out. This is just one example of detaching from her and I know by her behavior, she missis it. I no longer invite her to my family functions and this bothers her as well. She came from a dysfunctional family and I know she misses the normalcy of my family structure. I come from a large and close family. There is always a family function going on and we have a good time whenever we all get together. She use to tell me she wishes her family could get along together as well as mine does. This is another example of my detachment. It's almost like a carrot and stick approach, but it's the only way she's truly going to experience life without you. Consider the things about you she enjoyed the most in your marriage and take them away from her. Be patient and monitor her reaction. Believe it or not, if her initial reaction is anger, than this technique is working for you. Keep it up if that's the case.

My W struggles to contact me to make small talk, but it's still that insincere effort that comes from the guilt she's feeling. Maybe not guilt over OM necessarily, but definitely for the breakup of our family which she's still to stubborn to acknowledge. I don't engage her anymore and I know this frustrates her. I won't engage her in any conversation outside my S7 until she's ready to speak from the hart and with some substance. I discovered conversation is at the top of her list as far as love languages go and I did a good job of that during our marriage. I think she thought she could still have that with me while getting other emotional needs met by OM, but I followed through with enforcing my boundaries and now she realizes what she's lost.

I'm no longer "detaching" to ease the pain of her walking out on me, I'm detached now because I'm having a good time doing it. That feeling takes time to get back after being with somebody so long, but I'm here to tell you it's possible, so keep your chin up.