Is verycrazy piecing or just crazy?

[25yearsmlc]

VC

I think it's clear you are both crazy and in piecing...seriously, doesn't all this boil down to us choosing which side to possibly err on? I mean, we can be "safe" and end the M now so we avoid future pain-assuming that would actually avoid much down the road. Maybe yes. But if we choose to believe and trust, and end up wrong, why is it that we feel we are being fools? I mean, shame on them, not us. It'd be different if there was a lot of denial or overt disrespect. You know your H is trying in his way, to be a better h. Mine too.

RE: working, OMG, going back to full time work at the same time that I am leaving d18 off at college and uprooting d9, absolutely terrifies and stressses the crap out of me...

Also about working outside the home, I figure we are both smart enough to fake them out a year or two, don't you think? When they catch on to our imposter status, we'll move on pursuing "other interests." Yeah, I am mostly kidding... but I recall two important realizations in my last job. First, everyone who is new to a job doesn't know what the heck they're doing for at least 3 months, up to a full year, depending on the level and complexity. Seriously, vc, I mean it. No one new knows wth is going on and people WILL give you a pass when you first start. Thank God!
Second, you simply don't know how hard it is to find employees who are just hard working and functional, without some weird habit, dishonesty, drug use, laziness, whining, and all I can say is that hiring a normal hard working woman is ALL I want to do with my new job for the assistant I'll need, and hope/assume I'll have. Just a person I can trust to not screw me over, lose his/her head, embarrass the company or me, and show up for work. I promise you VC, if you can flippin' SHOW UP and do what they ask of you, I predict a promotion within a year. I swear.


The competence issues apply to civilian and military. The military sucked in that regard b/c as a lawyer I'd be in a totally new area of law with clients who needed experienced counsel....sorry!! For 6 months ever 3 years, I'd be "almost" incompetent, but for my colleagues double checking our work, which I later did for new transfers. In the civilian world, the good news is that 1) being a stay at home mom IS getting more respect than, say, a decade ago, and 2) who would know what you did before or exactly how long you stayed at home? No one, unless you want that.

ALSO, do NOT undermine the contributions you made to the community. I did a LOT of PTA stuff, including being president (never again, fwiw) in two different places, tutoring and it is not necessary all the time to categorize it as "volunteer" if you ever got any reimbursement. Even calling it "volunteer work" is fine. Working at a women's shelter, marching in a cancer awareness event, boy scout den mom, team mom, shows organization, leadership and "showing up", etc. You'll come up with some I bet. I have been pleased with how my vol work has been seen so far, at least to my face. If you baby sat for money, or in exchange for child care for your son, that was "child care provider" work.

You can send my your resume if you want, and add stuff about all your hobbies, projects, past Before Motherhood jobs and skills, newly found or weird skills, etc. Maybe I might "make some adjustments" to it...While I say this, know that lying on the resume is a sure fire way to an ulcer, always worrying that someone will find out, and knowing that IF they do, you're out of there. Not for the content of the lie, but for the lying. VC, I know you wouldn't but I'm saying this for the benefit of those reading. BTW, from the way you write, I can tell you'll come off as a smartypants and they'll be grateful to have you.

Sorry I'm in a self pity mood about the trauma of the pending summer, so I guess right now I'm feeling the "cost" of piecing. I am overwhelmed, I predict friction between h and d9, as well as fun. But h is a stricter parent, and d9 is VERY strong willed. More work in that sense, than the other 2 combined. She'll blame h for any pain in moving, (like me??) which is pretty fair and rational if you think about it. And moving There IS harder than moving to "normal" places and I have the experience moving to know what I'm talking about.

Oh, yikes, part of all this emotion right now, I have to admit, is leaving d18 at college this fall. It is so sad to me. And stupid. I mean Hello?? I KNOW I want her to go to college of course, and this IS a natural occurrence, and the alternative of having your kid hanging around you into adulthood is not what you really want so, this parting, is what is SUPPOSED to happen. It is life. What's my problem?!?

Just lousy timing of H, and yes, I still think it's selfish, and I still have to tame the anger attacks when they pop up. How are those going for you? What do you fill your head with instead of the anger or stomach churning? I think the Cat has some good ideas about it. I am working on this. Hard.

Weirdly, I had always heard about separation anxiety for moms when the kids go off to college. But I didn't "get it". Then when we left s21 (then 18) in NYC, it made me sad for a long time, and scared for him. I never knew this would happen to me, or that it must happen to mothers all over the place every fall. If this is anything like what "Empty nest" syndrome is gonna be like, WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK ASAP, or we'll get really lose it when the kid(s) are out of the house. Plus making a bit of money does help relieve some pressure on our H's AND will help to lessen any pending resentments or prevent more.

I'll post somewhere on my own, if I can figure out how to.
j-