Thanks for the support. What you describe is exactly what i am seeing. It makes me jealous to see her like that with someone else, since its such a vivid memory to when she was like that with me. She has a few times said "Do you want me to stop seeing him?".. This is one of those questions that has no right answer. I try to be honest, "yes, of course - but I know that right now you don't want to do that, and it wouldn't change things" - in my mind if they stopped seeing eachother, their feelings would just grow for eachother.
I've had two breakthroughs recently and I thought i would share them.
1. Two nights ago my 6 year old was having a fit at bedtime, her mom said she could sleep with her that night, and then found that she had destroyed her closet, and knotted up an expensive necklace I bought her. (all in 5 minutes too).
Anyways, she wasn't allowed to have the sleepover in mom's bed (thats weird to say), and she was crying uncontrollably that she wanted mom. needless to say, mom was totally stressed out, by that, me, and the situation. To try to calm her, I told her that mom was stressed, and that if she wanted mom to come and kiss her goodnight she should stop crying, and begging for mom to come and say goodnight.
WAKE UP CALL. It was almost like i was saying it to myself. I keep doing the same old, and i'm pushing my wife into this jackasses arms. He is probably telling her all the right things. (lets take it slow, take as much time as you need to figure this out, I don't want to hurt your family, etc.) And i'm over here letting my anger, hurt, neediness get the best of me.
Thanks to my D6 for hitting me with a 2x4 the other night. I hope i can continue to get hit by 2x4s to wake me up.
2. I need some help with this one. The best I can tell my wife's LL are Quality Time, and Acts of Service. I want to detach, but I would like to work on rebuild some positive feelings for me, but its a little difficult when detaching. I don't want to follow her around like a dog, and I'm done asking her to do things with me. Early in our relationship, we would do everything together, and working on projects together was something that brought us close together, this is not likely these days. In the last few years i really neglected her needs for quality time, and I think its one of the reasons we are where we are. We spent a lot of "time" together, but I was always unavailable emotionally.
So how do I do this - should i just not try to be available? Is anyone else in this situation? What have you been successful with? Right now I'm just trying to be open to whatever comes, but its hard since I don't see any opportunities to be attractive in this department.
