Now, I need a few 2x4's. Somebody please wack me and tell me i need to detach and just not ask anymore or not push him. I feel like sometimes I am being too "close" to him by touching him, hugging, etc. I am finding a difficult balance with both the physical and emotional side. When he ask about how I feel, should i just lie and say i am OK? or pour out my soul (guess NOT !!!) We are touching each other a lot, and he is not resenting me, but i can feel sometimes that he is holding me and thinking about OW. ARGH!!!!
No 2x4's needed hon, you know what you need to do. IMHO, it is possible to touch, hug, etc. while detaching...if you can feel strong enough in yourself to do these things (which foster closeness) with zero expectations, then do them! (It's the expectations that get us every time. )
About worrying that he's thinking about OW when he's holding you...HE'S HOLDING YOU! There is no way to know exactly what he's thinking, and there's no point in torturing yourself about it. It makes it more difficult for you to stay on an even keel when you're worried about the what-ifs (gah, don't I know this!).
((hugs)) You're doing a great job. Good luck with your goal of no R talk today.
)