The dam that's been threatening to burst in me has burst reading your post. You'll have to excuse me if I can't thank you just yet, though .
RGM, these are necessary realizations and you will have to walk through the aftermath. I went through something similar at the end of last year regarding my mother. Odd though it may sound, trust me, this can begin the unburdening of your heart if you let it. I know it hurts, crushes really, but it is for your good and the good of your family if you will continue this intropection and make the effort to bring about change in these areas you DO have control over.
If I can leave you with anything now it is simply this:
The heart of a walk-away wife, no matter how "done" she says she is and even appears to be, her heart can be turned back to her husband in all it's fullness.
The heart of a walk-away wife, no matter how "done" she says she is and even appears to be, her heart can be turned back to her husband in all it's fullness.
You don't have to look far for proof.
AmyC
THANK you for posting this Amy - it's gives me HOPE too
The dam that's been threatening to burst in me has burst reading your post. You'll have to excuse me if I can't thank you just yet, though \:\( .
AmyC, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad one.
As far as a realization, I don't know if it is really an all new revelation. I've done a lot of rehashing over the weekend. Kept going back in reading journals, posts, notes from MC. Maybe more indepth and better understood. Some of what I had been working on was this. W & I had discussed alot of this prior to. The only difference was I thought she was willing to help me work on it. Let me know when I was starting to follow old habits.
I think one of the things that reopened old wounds was the resentment I began to feel toward W. I felt like she was not following up to things that she agreed to work on for herself. Her commitment to be more affectionate and more forthcoming in her feelings. I felt like she went back to her old ways. I know a principle of DB is "it can be done by one person", but I felt that she had admitted to needing to work on these issues, it was as much her responsibility as mine. I felt like she wasn't trying. She started keeping everything inside and being very distant. I thought one of the purposes of MC was discuss these things to work on solving the issues at hand. W felt like I was being critical of her. I didn't bring these up in a confrontational manner. I would do so very calmly.
Anyway, it pretty much wait for the inevitable now. W and GF (& my F) had lunch this weekend. Several close F have been trying stay in touch. They are trying to be supportive to both W & I, but they also are trying to show W more reasons to stay & work, than walk out. Report back, not hopeful. So I wait to be served, and try to figure what I can do for the boys. W still in fantasy that Ss will eventually get over it. Meanwhile, S8 suspects something. He's been very emotional and somber for the last couple of weeks. He's also acting just like he did when he knew about D last summer.
W is trying to hide the fact she is moving out/down to spare room. She makes sure the kids are asleep before she heads down or comes back up before they wake. She's no longer use the MB for getting ready for bed or work. She uses the boys when they're watching TV or while they're still asleep.
But I'm an equal opportunity butt chewer (as well as a butt-chewing RECEIVER I might add! )today so I'm cool with it if your wife reads this and it pisses her off....
Go home.
And throw all of her crap in the spare room.
Don't allow her the luxury of skirting around the hard stuff, like the kids.
If she's wearing any shade of rose-colored glasses regarding how a separation/divorce is going to play out, it's time to take 'em off.
Don't be all boisterous about it.
Just put her stuff in that other room.
Tell her it is time everybody stopped lying and you think it's time to talk to the kids.
Then bring the kids to the couch and let their mom tell them what is so bad about their family that she is willing to leave it.
All her justified feelings aside, it'll all sound like bullsh*t when she's looking into the face of a child.
.
