Something you need to be aware of here Sol.... she's focusing on you and any possible "entanglements" (which I'm sure are purely platonic) to draw attention away from herself and her full-on affair. I know, my husband does this same thing. Don't let her shame you about any friendships and support you may have had. This was something you needed, are fully entitled to when your spouse is talking divorce and $crewing someone else... I know I've been there. I had both female and male friends (more local and in-person than on-line), nothing happened beyond exchanging of experiences, thoughts, support, a bit of friendship. I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and I doubt you've done anything that you should feel guilty about in any way....
But when a spouse has had an affair, what I've observed is they often twist things around to try and make you the "guilty one." (i.e., you didn't give me enough attention, you ignored me, well what about these women/men you've been talking to?...) try keep that in mind. I don't think they do this on purpose to hurt us, I think it's a defense mechanism and I think they do it in response to the fact they probably have a lot more guilt then they are displaying. In fact, I think it's the difficulty of dealing with that guilt that makes a spouse more likely to try and twist it around onto the other person.
So just be strong in yourself, who you are, what you are about. If you are sharing your emails and messages, is your wife doing the same with you? Is this a mutual opening up? I don't think I'd do it unless this was mutual and I'd probably insist it be done during marriage counseling so everything be explored with an uninvolved third party. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn't share anything with my spouse at this point. I think over time and through MC I'd do it. And I wouldn't let my spouse know the level of my relationships at the place where you currently are with your wife. Don't let her know anything about you right now!!! You both need distance from each other.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
