The dam that's been threatening to burst in me has burst reading your post. You'll have to excuse me if I can't thank you just yet, though \:\( .
AmyC, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad one.
As far as a realization, I don't know if it is really an all new revelation. I've done a lot of rehashing over the weekend. Kept going back in reading journals, posts, notes from MC. Maybe more indepth and better understood. Some of what I had been working on was this. W & I had discussed alot of this prior to. The only difference was I thought she was willing to help me work on it. Let me know when I was starting to follow old habits.
I think one of the things that reopened old wounds was the resentment I began to feel toward W. I felt like she was not following up to things that she agreed to work on for herself. Her commitment to be more affectionate and more forthcoming in her feelings. I felt like she went back to her old ways. I know a principle of DB is "it can be done by one person", but I felt that she had admitted to needing to work on these issues, it was as much her responsibility as mine. I felt like she wasn't trying. She started keeping everything inside and being very distant. I thought one of the purposes of MC was discuss these things to work on solving the issues at hand. W felt like I was being critical of her. I didn't bring these up in a confrontational manner. I would do so very calmly.
Anyway, it pretty much wait for the inevitable now. W and GF (& my F) had lunch this weekend. Several close F have been trying stay in touch. They are trying to be supportive to both W & I, but they also are trying to show W more reasons to stay & work, than walk out. Report back, not hopeful. So I wait to be served, and try to figure what I can do for the boys. W still in fantasy that Ss will eventually get over it. Meanwhile, S8 suspects something. He's been very emotional and somber for the last couple of weeks. He's also acting just like he did when he knew about D last summer.
W is trying to hide the fact she is moving out/down to spare room. She makes sure the kids are asleep before she heads down or comes back up before they wake. She's no longer use the MB for getting ready for bed or work. She uses the boys when they're watching TV or while they're still asleep.
