well, hello hello!! welcome to the piecieng forum, very glad you are here!!
Yes, it is scary for both of you (him: not sure this is for real, you: waiting for the othe r show to drop), my H was also very guarded (prob still is but very little) about things going back to the way they were, afraid I'd take revenge on him, afraid I was going to revert back to the demaning bossy w I was. Only time and our love can show them we are a new person and that our M can be ever BETTER than what we had.
What has really worked for me, now and in the past, is that when I start to remember all the ow related stuff (and trust me, I know WAY too much) I remind my self that my H was very devoted to me, and in time I pushed him, I hurt our M, I rejected him and killed slowly the love he had for me. Not to excuse him leaving in the way he did, but to remember I too broke my vows and disrespected him.
It's been 8mths since I discoverd ow stuff, I never thought I'd be able to think about it without the sick in the stomac feeling. But I have learned to remember without condemning him, to put other thoughts on my head and to shorten the amount of time I think of such things. The book that really helped me to piece was "Healing the hurt in your marriage", do get it, it will help you heal.
I congratulate you on deciding to get back to work!! keeping busy keeps the bad thoughts away. Maybe start part time if you are overwhelmed, but a goal, a means to find happiness on your way is a great way to also keep the pressure off your H. Too often us LBS want our WAS to jump through hoops to please us and appease us after they come back and we put on them the burden of making us happy.
Again, glad to see you here gal, I'm a lurker now, but come in regurlarly, keep strong)))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
