There is some really self defeating behaviour going on in Infidelity at the moment.
Girlfriend, you need to sit quitely and let the anger pass. Calling OW, thinking about police intervention, etc etc, simply puts you in a whirlwind of drama that you dont' need to be in.
Go back to the DB basics. Detach. Get a life. Develop your positive mental attitude.
DBing is just as effective if you are through with your marriage or standing for it. It gives you the skills to create a safe place for you and your children to get through this terrible time in your life.
Get out of the drama and into a calm place. Calling OW gives her power over you that she doesn't deserve. Pretend she doesn't exist.
Give yourself a treat tonight. After you put the children to bed, run a nice big bubble bath, light some candles, take a glass of wine with you or some yummy chocolate. Look after yourself and let your H and his mistress blow in the wind.
Take care. Your in my prayers.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
I posted this question also on the newcomers b/c I need an answer today before I go and do this. Someone advised me here one time to get a restraint order on the OW to keep her away from my kids, but I really don't have any "bad" evidence for it other than I need her away for my kids emotional health. Is that good enough for the courts? I am afraid he is planning on another "sleep over".
A restraining order usually cannot be for "emotional haelth" In most states they are for protection from immenent harm, usually physical. ROs normally do not address custody issues. My suggestion to you would be to speak to an attorney regarding a legal seperation, and in that document when visitation/custody is delineated, a clause about no sleepovers can be added....usually for both parties. Unfortunately in our ccurrent sosiety, not all judges feel that adultery is a big deal. Good luck
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I was finally able to read through your stich, wow I thought I had drama in my life.
Can't give you much more advice than what has been given. I would have to say do not go with the restraining oeder against OW. That is just going to cause more headaches for you.
With respect to your children around OW, I do not blame you for being upset. It is one thing for your H , it is a whole other ballgame when it involves your children.
An idea if you need to go out for you time, take the kids to a babysitter or your parents if it is an option. Don't give him the opportunity to take them to see her. If he wants to take them out, make it crystal clear in a clam fashion that he is not to take your children anywhere near her. If he does, there will be consequences. Don't be specific and don't say it in a nasty fashion, but you need to set this boundry for your own sanity.
I know that is not your typical "DB" tatics, but I can see how this is very stressful for you.
Take some time for you while he is away. Relax and do some things for you.
and if you really want him out, just change the locks on the house while he is away (ok just kidding there..hope it made you smile a little though)
I would agree - he must be out of his mind to not consider the kids and meeting the OW so soon - so since he is, you do need to share with him that it's not acceptable. Good luck.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Yeah, does my drama surpass yours? I think it should go on the Jerry Springer show especially since the OW is like those people "rednecky".
But you know what I was taking pleasure in my own thoughts this morning that soon enough especially since now he is staying over at her house more often that she will see my H's bipolar side!! Even before all of this H has always had a JEckyl & M. Hide personality. Now she is going to have to walk on eggshells as soon as he starts showing his true self!! I will just sit back ,grab some popcorn and watch.
My mom's church was having a prayer get together and in the midst a member that I don't even know very well told my mom that the sweet Lord gave him a messgae for her daughter- Soon she (I) will be set free!!!! It gave me the chills & made me cry!!
I created a lot of the issues I deal with due to my cheating, you were thrown into this mess..
I was never one for praying, except for recently. Not very religious I am afriad, but I do hold a couple of things to keep me going...Faith and hope.
We all have our days where we feel we have just had it with out stich, and can't take another minute of it. Then we come here and talk, or something happens to change our mind and remind us of what we are trying to accomplish.
You, my dear woman, have a tremendous amount of patience, along with many others here. Most of the things you are putting up with and dealing with, most would not have made it this far. I know other couples who have separated for far less.
Take comfort and be proud of yourself that you just did not give up. You continue to try to save your marriage. Stay stong, and whatever the outcome is, you will have become a stonger better person from this experience.
(ok just kidding there..hope it made you smile a little though)