Light at the End?

[~Sol]

I had a little heated discussion when she asked me about my emails. Now she wants to read them all, and I will let her if she persists, so she can see I am not "into" anyone. But she will read my private thoughts on what I feel about our M and what I think of, which won't be good for her to hear. She will think I am faulting her in everything because she will read my emails out of context.

I told her to check out the boards and see for herself the type of feedback I am reading about. But she won't be interested since she;s in her own little world. I don't have the desire or the energy to get into an A of my own - and I know I am vulnerable and have my emotions running. I just have to think about my daughter and all thoughts of chasing down another woman just erase from my mind and my daughter fills it up. I don't see how my W could do that to her own daughter or son, I guess she was just thinking about herself, huh?

I am trying to be more level-headed here. It's hard, but I see the pointless case in confronting her about anything at this time. I know I will lose my cool. I have been quiet about the PA that I found out, and know she will fiercely deny it, even say that she is offended by it. But who did what? I just don't want to waste my energy in fighting with her anymore. I am getting really tired from all of this.

But all I will do is come here to vent. A lot. And I appreciate everyone's advice. I still need it, and I request more feedback with this. My head still spins from the PA, but I have moments when I am calm.